Personal Commandments

I am currently reading a wonderful book called "Happier at Home" written by Gretchen Rubin. It is the sequel to her book "The Happiness Project" (which I have actually not read, but want to), and I must tell you it is a wonderful book. It's made me think a lot about the small changes I can make to maximize happiness and peace in my life. I love the way Gretchen writes this book not to be instructions or a guide, but more like a journal of her experiences and a discussion to get you thinking. I like that I don't feel like I am being told the answers to happiness by this book (because the answers aren't the same for everyone), but I AM drawing plenty of inspiration and ideas from her experiences. And sometimes I just plain-old try to copy what I read.

One thing I read about in "Happier at Home" that i want to try and copy is the idea of making your own set of "Personal Commandments". Gretchen details her list of personal commandments in her writing, but it seems to me the personal commandments aren't just goals, and the are more than resolutions. To me, my personal commandments are more like habits that I want to cultivate for the rest of my life. What I love about them is that they are personal. They can be whatever I want them to be. If I want to change them over time, I can, because they are mine! So here is the set of personal commandments (so far):

1. Be Brynn
Gretchen's first commandment is to "Be Gretchen" and what a wonderful thing it is to be yourself and nobody else. So I just want to first and foremost "Be Brynn". I want to act like myself, want thing I want, and not get distracted by trying to be someone else.

2. Embrace Opportunities for Gratitude and Generosity
Don't skip baby showers, Send out Christmas cards, give thank you notes, look for people in need of a small act of service, etc. etc. etc. and count your blessings. Those sorts of things. When I first got married a few years ago I was just about the least thoughtful person I could possibly be (but part of that was because I was the one sorely in need of service), but now I am ready to be the generous one.

3. Say "I love you" to Husband and Child(ren) Each Day
Because you can never say it enough!

4. Choose Food for Nutrients
Enough counting calories and worrying about fat and carbs. Food is not the enemy. Dieting in the traditional sense of the word is not healthy or sustainable throughout life. I decided about a year ago that I am not going to focus on cutting bad things out or focusing on what I shouldn't have, but instead, work on bringing more good things in. The more good things I eat the less room I have for junk food. So now I deliberately think about the nutrients in the food I choose. Does it have plenty of complex carbs? Fiber? Protein? Omega-3s? Betacarotene? Lycopene?  I want to make a change in my health that I can have as a habit for as long as I live, so instead of focusing on losing extra weight quick or cutting things out, I am focusing on feeding myself healthy foods in a way that I can enjoy. Yeah, I still have junk food sometimes, but at least I am looking for the best food the rest of the time.

p.s. If you haven't seen the documentary "Hungry for Change", I highly recommend it.  It was a source of inspiration for this commandment.

5. Speak Up
Speak up when someone says my name wrong. Speak up when someone I love crosses boundaries and upsets me. Speak up against people saying awful, mean things. Speak up when I feel someone hasn't given me due credit. My inability to stand up for myself has been a curse my whole life! It's time to change that.

6. Respond with Love
Whenever a problem comes up with my husband or children, how can I respond to the problem and solve it in the most loving way possible? This is a hard one. Sometimes I focus more on teaching a lesson than growing a family.

7. Let Creativity and Problem Solving Happen as Slowly or Quickly as They Like
Not inspired to paint? Then don't paint. Not sure what to write in that email? Wait an hour and see if it makes more sense after that. Sometimes it is perfectly okay to let something sit for a while and let your subconscious work on it.

8. Practice Trust in Yourself and the Spirit
This is the hardest commandment. I always hear these amazing stories of spiritual experiences that happen to people when faced with a big decision. These people have these amazing feelings of peace and love, distinct instructions and words of comfort, all because they prayed and studied and had faith. But the thing is, those things don't really happen to me. It was a big, frustrating struggle for a while. Why couldn't I get an answer to anything? How was I supposed to know where to go, who to marry, etc. etc. etc. But I have slowly realized that maybe that's just not what it's supposed to be like for me, ever. I think that one of my weaknesses is drowning myself in anxiety and not trusting myself and my own abilities (including my ability to follow the Spirit), and God knows that and wants me to learn and get plenty of practice, so he lets me struggle on my own.
When I decided to marry Craig, there was no warm feeling, fantastic revelation, or strong spiritual experience. I had plenty of doubts. In the end I had to just go with what I thought was a good thing to do and have faith that things would work out. And it did work out wonderfully. Eventually I did get that confirmation that I was doing what's right. And guess what? It was the exact same way for choosing a major, deciding where to move, and so on. All my big decisions I have made I just had to just go for it, with no strong feelings telling me what direction to go in. And eventually, little by little, I learned that I did, in fact, make the right decision and that God was watching over me the whole time.

9. Be a Durable Object
This one is all about keeping your cool in the midst of conflict. Working with children, you have to be a durable object. When a toddler has a tantrum, you can get through it as a durable object. When someone tells you a big shocker, first react by being a durable object.  Durable objects are still, solid, determined, and quiet. I have had enough experiences that it's easier to be the durable object as opposed to the stick of dynamite or the crushable plastic water bottle.

10. Be Active to Enjoy Your Body
Don't be active for any of these reasons: looks, scale numbers, trophies, accomplishments.
Do be active for these reasons: Health, fun, bonding with family and friends, enjoying nature, giving myself more energy and endurance, appreciating what my body can do.

This was a long one. If you made it to the end, give yourself a thumbs up. And if you want, consider what your personal commandments might be.

p.s. http://www.amazon.com/Happier-Home-Experiments-Practice-Hardcover/dp/B00BR9WXGC/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1408643318&sr=8-4&keywords=happier+at+home

Parenting. It's like that fable where the guy tries to please everyone and the donkey drowns.

Ok, so I went out to lunch with a friend last week and we got talking about parenting. She doesn't have kids yet, and was asking me a little bit about my experience. We talked about how there are so many different views, so many expectations, and SO many articles, blogs, pins, and plenty of unsolicited advice out there. Can you be a good parent without having to research, read, and heed everything? Why does everybody have to share their opinions on everything parenting? Why the mommy wars?

I stumbled through this conversation with lots of phrases like "yes, do research" "but only if you want to" "as long as your baby is loved and safe" and "I'm sure you will be a great mom". I wasn't very eloquent, and barely got any point across. So I will write out my thoughts on this subject, hopefully a little more eloquently than in conversation.

I have to admit, I am actually very opinionated about many things pertaining to parenting and child development. It's hard not to be when you studied child development in school and you work with  kids all of the time. Child development is my passion! Parenting and teaching are my true callings! So of course I am very opinionated! How could I not be? 

I try to hide it a little because I also believe in not getting in people's business. I want to respect other people's decisions. I don't want to judge (even though I do. A lot.)! 

So what do you do? Do you read all of the articles? Follow all of the advice? Give in to all of the pressure society puts on already stressed out parents? Can you be a good parent without planning and researching every little thing?

Well, here's what I think:

I am a big believer that knowledge is power. I have spent a lot of time reading pinning, listening, and learning about anything and everything parenting, and I don't regret it. I am grateful for every class I took on human development in college. I have gained so much insight from articles and blogs since having a baby. I realize that not everybody can major in child development or pin every little activity idea, but any knowledge you can gain is going to help you make a more informed decision. I've read about a lot of different views and methods-some obviously will clash. But that's a good thing! Take what you like and throw away what you don't! At least you know your options. Much of the knowledge I have gained has made me more confident and my journey as a parent easier!

Being a parent is really hard. I love it and enjoy it most of the time, but there are some mind-boggling, difficult obstacles for every parent. I personally feel like I am making life more simple for myself when I have an arsenal of ideas and solutions to start with. I feel like the more deliberate and thoughtful I am as a parent, the more problems I avoid. Part of that deliberate thinking is doing my research and learning  as much I can. 

So yeah, planning out your parenting techniques and gaining lots of knowledge is wonderful. But there's another side to this coin.

When you are a parent, you have to be flexible. You also become the expert on your baby as an individual. Sometimes instinct trumps education and grand plans. There have been quite a few instances in my journey as a parent already where I have done the research and not followed it because my baby's cues and my instincts told me to go in a different direction. And that was great too! Often as a mom you just know, you know? And it doesn't matter what anyone else says. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and be flexible.

So what? Are you supposed to try and balance the neuroses of learning and planning with the impulsiveness of following instincts and cues? It's really more like harmonizing. Gain some knowledge from solid sources and then let your instincts go from there. Luckily for me, parenting is a step-by step process. I am glad I started with a base of knowledge, but I have learned quite a bit as I have gone along as well.

We don't have to war over different opinions and techniques. There are so many ways to raise happy, well adjusted children. What matters most is that you are present, you are learning, you are listening to your baby, and you are doing your best. As long as you are full of unconditional love for your child and are willing to be fully invested, you will be a great parent.

These times are a treasure.

My goodness. It's been a long time since I posted. What can I say? I am just not huge into blogging. Maybe someday I will be.

Anyway, today I wanted to write about the joys of having a little child. The joys of being a mom. Because it is a joy.

Today I was thinking about what a special time I am experiencing in my life right now. My first baby is 3 months old. I am not too overwhelmed or busy, but I have enough going on to keep me on my toes and full of purpose. I have lots of quiet mornings and afternoons filled with so many little things. Reading stories, singing songs, playing, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, feeding my baby...these are the types of things that fill my days. I also work at an after school program where I can help children in tough situations, and I am so grateful for that opportunity. 

Today I couldn't help but feel so grateful as I put my sleepy, happy baby down for a nap and started working on some chores. As I checked on her I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked. She has these chubby, rosy cheeks that I just love. And her long little eyelashes are just so pretty! And I thought about how grateful I am for such a happy, healthy baby while I started washing the dishes.

Ok, so now some of you may be feeling like. "Is this girl for real? What kind of fantasy world is she living in?" This is no fantasy, or the declarations of a naive little girl. This is really how I feel. 

I know that this time in my life is such a small dot on a big timeline. I won't always have these quiet afternoons full of cuddles with a sweet little baby! This is a once in a lifetime experience! Eventually, I will have more to juggle, more worries, more complications. And when that happens, I will embrace the challenges and try my best, but for now, I am just so grateful for what I have.

My life isn't super extraordinary or perfect. We are butt poor (yes butt poor is what I said), and I have unrealized dreams of travel and hobbies that I don't know when I will have the time or money for. I also feel like I will never catch up on chores (good thing I enjoy cleaning) and my social life...lets just say loneliness is a feeling I am familiar with.

But this time of my life is a treasure to me. Little babies are precious little packages of love. It's true! As I held my little girl tonight right before bedtime, she gave me the cutest little smile and squeal and I knew she knows what love is and how to feel it. And she knows I love her. And I thought about how what I do right now is setting up the way she thinks; the attitude she has about life. What an incredible amount of purpose and importance a mother has!

The challenges you may face as a new mom are mostly temporary, and so are the  joys. So soak in every minute as much as you can. Whatever your situation may be as a mom, you are incredibly important to your baby. You are the center of their world. You make all the difference in your baby's life! Enjoy it! Be grateful for such a wonderful opportunity. It is truly a unique treasure. Any sacrifices you make for this treasure are worth it, because you are the star in the life of a new human being! Nothing is more divine, more full of purpose than parenthood.

I've been listening to a lot of great podcasts lately, and in one interview a woman was talking about what drove her to open a hostel for travelers in Canada. She said her heart just wasn't "bursting" an she knew she needed to start something new in her life. I love that idea of knowing that you are living at your best when you feel your heart bursting. Motherhood makes my heart burst!

I know I can steadily and diligently work towards my goals of travel and all of the other things I want to accomplish. But for now, I will focus on loving my baby and enjoying this moment in time, because she is the star of my show, this time is my treasure, and my heart is bursting!

Lessons learned in Harry Potter

Today is Harry Potter's Neville Longbottom's and J.K. Rowling's birthday. I acknowledge this day every year because I really love the Harry Potter series. I am one of the people that grew up in what I like to call the "HP generation."  I was a kid/teenager during the time the books and movies were being released. I waited in suspense and excitement for the next book to be released. I celebrated the release of each movie. I felt an exciting bond with other people in the HP generation, whether I knew them personally or not. It was like that for almost everybody that spent their formative years reading the book series and watching the movies. And yes, I even went to midnight release parties of the movies (and the 7th book) and had the time of my life. People not in this generation usually don't "get it." Those people might ask, "Why does Harry Potter have such a cult following? Why do all these kids (most of us not being young adults) practically pretend this fictional world is real? Why do they always go back to reading the books over again?"

I am going to let someone with a degree in anthropology figure those questions. For this blog, right now, I will just list the lessons I personally learned from the Harry Potter series, as a way to record some of the impact it had on my life. I wish I had the time to go into detail about how these lessons were learned and how my life changed, but I don't so it's going to be a quick list.

1. "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live" Dumbledore says it best.
2. Our choices truly make up who we are, much more than our abilities, and even our potential. We can choose to be a better person, even if we have so much ability to do wrong. Even if we gravitate towards something that is wrong.
3. Most people are not clear-cut "good" or "bad." Everybody has a past, and everybody makes mistakes.
4. You don't have to be weighed down by other people's judgments. It's okay not to fit in with the crowd and just be happy with your own interests and personality.
5. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their inferiors. In fact, someone truly worth being around doesn't really believe in "inferiors."
6. The world is full of prejudice. But in the end, not one race or culture does it best.
7. People need to have more control and choices than the government does.
8. Keeping your cool and being humble and polite with protect you more than being angry and defensive.
9. Knowledge is power!

Things I am not.

Misconceptions: they happen all the time. People think they know everything. People think they know each other when actually pathetically, embarrassingly know so very little.

Have you ever felt like people get the wrong idea about you? Make weird assumptions that make no sense to you?

I definitely have. Sometimes it's annoying. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes you just want to shove those misconceptions back into their faces and prove to them how awesome and unique you truly are. I'm willing to bet most people have felt this way at some point.

Well, I am about to (kind of) live out that fantasy of self-declaration. Because...why not? It's my blog, and I think this is a great journal entry, and maybe someone will read it and be able to relate. And I think relating to stuff feels great.

So I present to you: Misconceptions people have had about me and the real truth.

1. Misconception: I am completely sheltered and as a result, close minded, judgmental, and ultra-conservative. This one happens to me on a regular basis. I mean it really happens a lot. Is it because I dress modestly and don't swear? I don't even know what the deal is with this one, but it's a solid fact that people think this about me when they first meet me.
Truth: Ok...so I don't swear, drink, sleep around, etc etc etc....and I never have done much of anything "worldly" I guess. I live pretty solidly by LDS standards, and I am totally ok with that. But to think I am completely sheltered is ridiculous. Let's be honest. There is very little you can tell me that will completely shock me. Gross me out? Maybe, but I can deal with it. If you swear and tell dirty jokes, or a number of other things, will I freak out? Probably not. It's not really my biz how you live your life. As long as you are respectful about it I am fine. I don't shove my stuff into other people's faces, and as long as they don't shove their stuff into mine (or potentially hurt people with it) I don't see a need to make a big deal. Also, people often don't know about the human development classes I had to take in college. I have studied things that make even some of the most "rebellious" and "hardened" people I know cringe. (Between my Human Sexuality, Abuse and Neglect classes and my internship working closely with social workers, I've seen and heard plenty.) And I can talk about it and think about touchy subjects completely rationally without freaking out. It's one of my special talents.

2. Misconception: I'm an airhead.
Truth: I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but sheesh give me some credit. I'm not totally shallow, and I'm not a failure in academics.  I graduated with honors. I love to learn. But I often feel like people think there is nothing going on inside my little brain. That's not very fair.

3. Misconception: Once upon a time, lots of people thought I was going to be a music/musical theatre/vocal performance major. They heard me sing as a teenager and thought that was what I was destined for. I have one relative that was actually way disappointed when he found out I have hardly done a thing with my voice since starting college. This is one assumption that is super amusing to me.
Truth: Performing is so fun. But really, what would I have done with a degree in music? I love music, but come on. I'm really not that great of a singer. And I know that all that music knowledge would have become obsolete to me eventually. And I just am not made of the stuff it takes to be a professional performer. It's not a confidence issue, it the fact that I am not that passionate about it. And going to school for art and human development was perfect for me. I love that I have gotten to delve into the mystery of what makes people tick. I use what I learned in college every day!

4: Misconception: I'm a hopeless romantic. I love chick flicks, believe in perfect relationships, etc.
Truth: The more you get to know me, the quicker this one disappears. I can hardly stand chick flicks. I don't believe in soul mates, and I don't believe that it's possible to have a perfect relationship. I do however, believe that love is a strong, powerful, divine part of life, and that our choices make it what it is. I also believe that conflict in relationships can be normal and healthy if partnered with problem solving skills and a desire for progress. I am definitely more of a realist than a romantic. Does that mean I watch all movies and read all books with a stern look on my face? Definitely not. I am totally capable of enjoying giggle fits and daydreaming. I just don't think much of movies such as "My Best Friend's Wedding" or "The Notebook." And there aren't nearly as many quotes about love in fancy lettering on my Pinterest as there are Star Wars related pictures. (and if you are totally that quote/chickflick type person, don't worry. I won't judge.)

The Best Kind of Falling Out

Today, I wrote to a friend, trying to give some encouragement on his situation. I feel like what I wrote came from the heart and is something anyone could apply to themselves to make their lives better and more joyful. Here is what I wrote:

"If there is one thing I have learned in life, being flexible and having plenty of trust in God is going to bring you a lot more happiness. Here are some examples:
1. I wanted to travel more and wait to get married. But then I got married. And a year later, he changed his major to international studies! Now we are saving up to go to Europe for part of his schooling!
2. I said I would never work retail again, because I thought it was such a draining boring, drama-filled job to have. Well, then I became desperate for work and eventually got hired at DownEast, and I work at the mall. But, I have THE BEST coworkers that make me laugh my face off and I just got promoted! Plus lots of cute clothes for cheaps!
3. I was thinking of dropping out of college to go to makeup school, but for some reason, I decided I needed to stay and finish my Bachelor's degree. Well, because of that I ended up getting a volunteer internship serving children and parents in need. It was one of the best experiences I have ever had, and I learned things that I use every day to make my life better! Plus, that experience helped land my other current job, working at a really amazing preschool, teaching sweet little children that I love love love.
In all of these situations, I ended up not getting what I "wanted", but in the end I got blessings that gave me so much more joy than I could have anticipated. If you have a strong desire and it is something that is righteous and enriching to your life, God will help you obtain happiness, though it may be in a different way than you expected. But in order for that to work, you have to have faith and trust Him. The better of an attitude you have, the sooner that happiness will come."

This advice was met with pretty negative feedback. I wasn't giving him this advice to tell him exactly what to do in this particular situation or how to live his life, I just wanted to show that sometimes things don't happen how we plan and not to be sad and upset about it. I said things that I know have helped me be more happy and I thought could be comforting to him.
I suppose he isn't yet at a state of mind where he could read other's thoughts and learn something useful from them without completely agreeing with every word. 

I would like to make one correction to what I wrote, which is that if you have a certain desire or dream that is righteous I personally think that with lots of faith and prayer and doing your best to obtain it, God will give you many blessings along the way to help you reach that dream. However, I can't guarantee that, because sometimes things just aren't meant to be (and it's not my place to say what will and won't happen in someone's life), but as stated previously, something better will come if you keep doing your best. 

Anyway, I have terminated contact with this person. Don't think I am a loose cannon for doing this, please don't. He has done some pretty hurtful things in the past and I feel like I have done my part to politely express my feelings plenty of times (and forgive him), but each time he clearly shows that he doesn't have much empathy or understanding when other people get hurt.  I kinda saw this coming and knew that it was time to be done with the unhealthy negativity and drama he was bringing into my life.

So if you're here to learn something learn this: 
1. Follow your dreams, but have a nice flexible, positive attitude about it.
2. You deserve more than negative friends who can't appreciate your kind gestures and forgiveness.

Trying faithfully to do my best,
Brynn

Dog Blog

Hi. I haven't written in a while. An no, I am not even going to update you on my life. I'll do that soon though. It's ok, I don't think many people read this blog anyway. Lets admit it, it's not all that exciting.

This entry is about my family's dogs. We have really awesome dogs. They all have incredibly distinct personalities, just like the rest of my family.

Miss Stacey:

Miss Stacey is the oldest of the three dogs. We got her when I was about 16 and she soon became my best friend! She is incredibly sweet, sophisticated (seriously, only sleeps on fluffy pillows and never licks people), and smart. She has always learned tricks quickly..I remember when she was a puppy, if you told her to go inside and pointed in that direction, she did it. And no one even trained her on it! She also can do a few fun tricks, such as barking on command and jumping through hoops. She love new dresses, sweaters, and collars. Seriously, this dog is a true girly-girl. She also loves puppies. So much, in fact, that she once tried to take ownership over a brand new litter of puppies that wasn't hers.  She's all woman.

Briar Rose:

Briar is Miss Stacey's Daughter. She was born practically dead, but was miraculously resuscitated and has been healthy ever since. Briar is less of a smart dog and more of a sweet dog. She's incredibly empathetic; if anyone is upset, she's upset too, and will whine and try to lick them better.   However, she still has learned a few tricks and can do most of the ones that Stacey can do. 

Briar is a dog with very strong emotions. She doesn't make friends with other dogs easily because she becomes jealous of them. But once she does make friends she's loving and sweet towards them. When Courduroy, our third dog, joined the family, she went into a deep depression for a couple weeks. She wouldn't eat or play!  She make friends with every and any human she comes in contact with because she is a serious attention hog. She also is a toy and treat hog. We have to watch her carefully when another dog wants what she has because she has a huge temper when others try to take her things. She's the only dog I have ever seen give the stink-eye to another dog. It was hilarious. Overall, Briar Rose is incredibly playful and loving.

Corduroy is the lonely boy in a household full of girls. He adores my husband and we all think it's because he is the only male besides my dad that he sees regularly. As I said before, Briar Rose had a hard time welcoming Corduroy, but you should have seen his determination in winning her over. He would lay by her and make her play with him and lick her until eventually she let him into his heart and now, they are seriously best friends (except for when they want the same toy). He sounds friendly, and he is around those he knows well, but he also has some serious "Stranger Danger" issues. It takes him weeks of regular visits to get used to a new human.  This picture is an example of him hiding is his "man cave" under a chair when strangers are around, or when he's tired of dealing with everyone. 

Overall, Corduroy is the most playful of the three dogs. He loves to run and pounce and jump around.

So there you go. 3 of my favorite friends to hang out with. I hope you can see why. They are so funny and interesting!

Dream Job

Another Blogging question:
What is your dream job and why?

I'll be honest, I have some pretty simple dreams. I don't really want to be famous, and riches would be kinda nice, but not something I actively pursue. Mostly, I just want to be a mom, create a wonderful home and serve my family and friends. But I have a lot of things I would love love love to pursue on the side of my life as a mother, such as:

-Makeup Artistry. I would love to do theatrical makeup, artistic makeup editorials, anything really. I am also really into skincare and would love to help people attain healthier skin. I love creating beauty and helping people see the beauty around them....to me, makeup isn't something you have to wear to be accepted and "decent", makeup is a way to use your imagination, create yourself, play with color.

-I want to create a art curricula that focuses on child development and hands on experience. I think it would be amazing to hold my own children's art day-camps and workshops in the summer. It would be so much fun to design the programs and enrich children's lives with art. I also am interested in art therapy and working with troubled children.

-I've kind of tried to start this already, but I want to make and sell my own accessories. I love making jewelry, and from what people that own the things I make have told me, it is very fun to wear and compliment worthy. I like to work with a large variety of mediums, and often mix many different elements to create an accessory. Someday I would love to have a little sterling silver jewelry studio. I took classes once and know the basics of casting, soldering, polishing, setting, etc. And I am itching for more.

-A really random one: I would love to help make sets and props for theatre. Especially creating textures, plants, etc. It'd be so interesting!

Seeing as I am about an inch away from graduating with my Bachelor's degree, I am actually job hunting right now. Job hunting can be so stressful...everybody knows it. I hope whatever I find brings me closer to realizing one of these dreams.

Me as a 16 year old.

I am copycatting my sister again on blog topics.

A letter to my 16-year old self,

Dear wannabe emo Brynn,

I know your social life is hard, but you make it harder for yourself when you mope around to get attention from your friends.

Bravo on choosing babysitting over going to dances in the last year. You will always cherish those memories more.

About half of your friends are about to get super flaky. Don't agonize over it so much, just try to stay close to the ones that actually care.

Be nicer to your little sisters you jerk.

Oh by the way, you met your husband recently. It's not who you think it is....you don't even remember meeting him.

Driving will get easier when you calm down about it. Promise.

Those pink corduroy pants are soooo unflattering!

If you could get out of the habit of wasting all of your spare time on the computer now, that would be great.

If a guy is a jerk to you, don't kiss him. It won't even make a good first kiss story.

Sincerly,

Grown-up Brynn

Fears

So, my sisters has this list of blogging questions, and one of those questions is to list 3 fears you have and how they came to be.

1. Wasps. Probably my biggest fear. They are so evil and determined to kill me. I have been stung by wasps 3 times so far in my life, and have discovered that I have a bad allergy to stings. Each time I have been stung the allergic reaction has become worse. The last 2 times I was stung was on each ankle (a year apart) and eneded up with a red, painful elephant leg. I am scared that if I get stung somewhere on my upper body and don't get an epi-pen in time I will be seriously in trouble.

2. Moths, spiders, dead bugs in general. Moths, dead or alive, or super creepy to be. It doesn't matter how big or small they are, I can't stand moths. This all started when I was a kid and one summer we had a moth problem in our kitchen. Yuck. As for spiders and bug carcasses, I have always feared them. Spiders just creep me out and who really wants to touch dead bugs (besides entomologists)?

3. Okay this one is a little weird, but I think a lot of people have this fear. I am so afraid of getting pregnant and then not knowing until mid/late pregnancy, and then my baby having health problems because of it. I have pretty good health habits, but what if I am not taking my vitamins and don't get enough folic acid? Or what if my next job is something that exposes me to large amounts of chemicals and it does something to the baby? To make matters worse, most of the vital nervous system and heart development happens before many people even have a clue about being pregnant, in the first few weeks. That's so scary to me!!! I just want to be as healthy as possible so that I can have healthy babies.

Painting

I am in a painting class right now. Here is my latest painting. I haven't named it or anything, but it's an Aurora Borealis in Iowa. I guess I'll just name it "Aurora Borealis in Iowan sky." Original photo via:http://www.smeter.net/aurora/images-richard/richard1.jpg

I love the sky. Not so much wide-open-new-mexico-clear-blue sky (Although clear blue skies are nice) ; I'm more of a fan of skies full of huge white clouds, stormy skies, sunsets, colorful skies, and scenes from space. A sky like that is so beautiful and fascinating to me. Maybe when I graduate, I will start a series of paintings all about the sky. That would be so cool.

You have what you need.

You know how a few posts ago I wrote about having depression? Well, here is a little update+some things I have learned.

My depression has lessened quite a bit. As long as I maintain the good habits I have developed, I am fine. If I forget to take my meds or get into a negative thinking rut, it's not so good. But I can recover from it. That's the great thing about life-everything is temporary. You can get over things. There is constant renewal and change in life, whether we want it or not. All we have control over is what we do with that change.

Something I have been taught recently is that deep down inside, we all have what we need to find happiness in our lives. We all have the ability to validate ourselves, create inner confidence and peace; we all have an indispensable amount of strength. We all have instincts that are more likely to point us in the right direction, and we all have righteous desires. And deep down inside, I think everybody knows all of this already, they just forget it through all the craziness of life.

I'm trying to remember what I have learned and apply it. I know whatever happens to me is an opportunity of one kind or another, and I am trying to use that knowledge to become more peaceful and confident.

But here's the thing:
Often, I feel so inadequate. Sometimes I feel like so many people I know are ahead of me, like they are suddenly more talented with more opportunities to advance in so many areas than me, without even trying. Everyone else even seems to have better possessions than me. (Deep down I know that doesn't matter one bit, but sometimes I just feel so poor!) I'll be honest, sometimes I even feel like those people are rubbing it in my face. I feel like some people condescend to me. Sometimes, I feel like I am not needed, like my talents are underdeveloped and under-admired. So many of my old friends don't even know who I am anymore.
But, I know it's partially my fault I feel this way. I haven't tried very hard to stay connected to everyone else, and I haven't always made the most of my time. However, I am not going to let that get to me. I am just going to try to improve a little bit at a time. And to anyone reading this that has felt the same about themselves, just know that now you at least know of one other person going through this, and if I can make it, you definitely can. :)

Here is a video that encourages and inspires me from one of my favorite makeup artists, Kandee Johnson:

Anticipation

I have been so negative lately. I have felt so stale. Stale is a good word to describe it. I'm with friends and I hardly laugh. I don't get excited about the little things I get to do. And my wardrobe choices? The stalest of them all.

So I have been working on it. I am trying to see life in a more positive light and relax around other people. I have been choosing cuter outfits for myself, even though I have to change into gross clothes for work soon enough.

And then, the other night I realized something! I realized that I do, in fact, have a very exciting year ahead of me. And suddenly that stale feeling started to lift. And then I realized something else. Having something to look forward to feels really great. I keeps me pushing through the drudgery I have to face.

{Disclaimer: I am not endorsing to always dream that sometime in the future will be better, or happier, than now is the right thing to do. I do believe that trying to find happiness in your current situation is the best, and part of that is proactively making exciting plans for the new future.}

If you know me, you know that I am about to make one of my many lists.

Stuff I am looking forward to for this year:
This week: Valentines dance on Friday, Temple and Mardi Gras dance on Saturday. The two dances are excellent opportunities to dress up and put on fun makeup. So it's going to be great.

Next month: Vacationing in San Francisco, where I will get to see my uncles and plenty of new and exciting things. I love that feeling of arriving at a new destination and seeing that fresh, exciting landscape that you know you'll be relaxing and exploring in. Craig and I have been needing a vacation very badly. Being cooped up in a tiny studio apartment (it really is tiny if you haven't seen it-trust me.) located in a small town for so long has warped our perspectives.

At the end of the semester: Graduation! I am getting my Bachelor's degree for heaven's sake! I should be pretty excited about it. Following graduation, we get to move to a bigger apartment and start new jobs. I just hope there is an awesome job waiting for me. I am about to start looking so pray that I can get something that will suit me and teach me some great skills.

This summer: My birthday (I love having a birthday every year haha.), And hopefully a couple fun weekends out and about. Craig and I are hoping for a weekend trip to Park City and a weekend trip to Bear Lake. Also, I am hoping to have a booth at Craft Lake City, and I am just excited for all the farmers markets, art events, and SWISS DAYS (!!! my favorite!!!) that come during the summer months. I am sure there will be some hiking and maybe even camping with my family as well. :)

Fall/Winter: I honestly don't have anything yet, but I am sure something will come up.

It feels good to have something to look forward to.

in sum

Yep, this is one of those "here's how my year was" posts. But I like posts like this, because when you look back on an entire year, things become pieced together in a way that the whole become greater than the sum.

This year wasn't full of epic adventures, major changes or cool events. This year was not very exciting or fun. However, that doesn't mean this year wasn't important.

Basically, all I did this year was work and learn and work and learn. I was so busy working and learning that I gained 20 pounds. But in all that working and learning, I grew in some important ways:
-I learned how to work better with children.
-I discovered in myself an ability to teach and give wisdom and knowledge to others that I didn't know I had.
-My heart grew; I developed the ability to better see the value in everyone and love people for who they are.
-I came to a better understanding of disabilities and what they really mean.
-I learned more about the type of life I want my family to have someday.
-I learned what being poor really is, and how I am not as poor as I thought I was.
-I learned that I am a better artist than I thought I was.
-I learned just how legitimate depression is in affecting your life.
-I learned how to use the bus system.
-I learned how to be great at cleaning.
-I realized how great it is to have an education
-I realized that there is a profound joy in simple, sincere work.
-I came to understand the importance of peace and quiet.
-I developed the skill of writing Haikus.
-Discovered my love for teaching art to children, art therapy, and the general connections between children and art that are so important and amazing.

So, no, my year wasn't full of cool vacations, parties, friendships, or glamorous events, but through my classes at school, my internship, and my job I learned and experienced many new things that gave me better insight and knowledge on the important, everyday things in life.

That being said, I did have a few exciting things happen:
-I did my first real makeup gig for a music video! "Sadder" by Nik Day. (I did the clown and Nik's makeup)
-My sister Alyssa got married, and both the wedding ceremony and the reception were wonderful
-I went camping over Labor Day weekend and it was beautiful! And I was able to make it to the Swiss Days festival as part of the trip!
-One of my best friends, Kim, got married and I was a bridesmaid. Also a wonderful day.
-I went to the Renaissance Fair dressed up with awesome fantasy makeup.
-I discovered some new favorite music.
-I became addicted to Pinterest. (Me and thousands of others)
-I organized a second craft fair.
-I went to Craft Lake City, which was awesome.
-Spent a relaxing weekend at Bear Lake with the in-laws.
-HP 7.2 midnight showing!
-Worked with countless children throughout the year and loved it.

So that was my year. I feel fortunate to have had all of these experiences. It wasn't an easy year, but it was important.

Debbie Downer

I'll be embarrassed that I wrote this, but it needs to be said.

Depression is a disorder marked by several classic traits, but developed in a variety of ways. Sometimes it is purely biological, sometimes it is psychological habits that affect our Limbic systems physiological workings, sometimes depression is caused by a trigger, such a traumatic event or experience with abuse, and sometimes depression just kind of happens. Often, your eating habit add to the cause of depression. There are many lifestyle factors that contribute to it.

Most people will experience some level of clinical depression of anxiety in their life. It comes at all levels, but chances are, you will face it.

The most common and universal symptoms/characteristics of depression are:

1. Changes in sleep patterns
2. Lack of interest in school, hobbies, etc. when there is usually some interest
3. Feelings of guilt or worry
4. Lack of energy
5. Lack of ability to concentrate
6. Change in appetite. Either you lose your appetite or want to eat for comfort all the time.
7. Psychomotor retardation-this means that you feel like you are going in "slow-motion." Or that everything takes effort or you feel like it's taking a long time to do regular tasks.
8. Lack of sex drive
9. Suicidal ideation

If you have at least 5 of those symptoms for at least a few weeks, you probably have depression. Don't take my word for it though. If you are concerned that you may have depression, go to a doctor or psychological counseling center asap. If you have had suicidal ideations, tell someone asap.

Even if you only experience 3 of these symptoms, it's probably time to check yourself and see that you aren't creating bad habits of failing to take care of yourself. It's probably time for some kind of pick-me-up

Here are some characteristic thoughts/feelings of people with depression:
-Sense of no control
-Loss of hope
-Tendency to compare oneself to other people
-Belief that there aren't enough resources, jobs, talents etc. the go around
-Feeling of universality: that X will happen in every situation. Ex: Every time I try to share my talents, everyone is going to think I am a loser
-Feeling of permanence: that it's never going to get better
-Rumination: A slow, repetitive thought process focusing on a worry, problem, hurt, etc. that is often seen in people with depression, anxiety, or OCD.
-Low self-esteem

I always kind of knew I would have to face depression at some point, I just didn't know when. But here I am, facing it now. As painful and crippling as it is, I know mine isn't even close to severe. I have seen severe, sad cases of depression. I know that people give up sometimes. For some reason I haven't although I have thought about the idea of it: cutting classes, staying in bed, sleeping all day, surviving on junk food, refusing to socialize. Oh how I have longed to just give up..sometimes I don't know why I haven't. Trust me when I say that just because I haven't reached that point doesn't mean I've kept it all together. I don't eat very healthy. My free time is often wasted by sitting around watching movies and youtube. I am blessed that I haven't gotten that deep into depression, and that I have been able to get help early on into it. I think I am on my way out now, but it was been a difficult time.

I am not the same person I used to be. I barely try to be social anymore. I don't feel confident, I feel like I am doing everything wrong, and if I do something right, everyone will still think it's stupid. I get frustrated so easily. I feel worthless. I don't even know how to explain it. I'm just not the same person anymore.

I will be back to my normal self someday. I don't think it will take too long. But in the meantime, don't give me advice, don't judge me for my "bad attitude", just be glad I haven't given up. I'm not writing this to get attention, to announce myself to the world. I just want others who are depressed to know-You are not alone, and I won't judge you. I won't tell you what to do, because you are already smart. Maybe you already know what you should be doing to stop being depressed, and you beat yourself up every day for not being successful at it. I do that a lot, trust me. It's really hard, and I know. And people still love and care about you...but even if you can't think of anyone who does love you, just try to believe that God does. He really does. You are a main concern of his, and he thinks you are totally worth it.

And to everyone else:
You can't just "stop being depressed." It's just so much more than that. It's a process to get out of depression. If you know someone facing depression, validate them. They are dealing with a lot right now, and it's not just psychological. Respect them, comfort them, give them praise for what they are doing in spite of depression. Let them know they have a right to be sad and frustrated, but they won't be forever. Things will get better. Because when you face it yourself, you'll wish you had been more of a friend to those around you who are depressed. I know I do.

I tell myself that sometimes. Things will get better. I think maybe I am starting to believe it.

Something I feel passionate about.

The weather.

I dream of the day I can move to a placce that only has 2 seasons. I honestly hate summer just as much as I hate winter. My body has a hard time adjusting to extreme tempuratures and I don't really like summery clothers or wintery clothes. I like right in between: Light jackets, tights and skirts, and freedon to experiement with layering.

Someday, I would love to live on the northwest coast, somewhere between San Franciso and Seattle. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

When I talk about my dream home in the northwest, I am told things like: "The rain would be depressing..." "It's so cold there, and you would have no summer!" "I would die without sunshine!"

Well, first of all, I love rain and overcast skies. I love the combination of gray and green throughout the landscape. I love the fresh, wet sidewalk smell. Secondly, I would rather spend 10 months of the year in medium-chilly weather than 8 months of the year in freezing snow. Third, the sun gives me migraines, so I pretty much avoid it anyway. I definitely don't go outside to enjoy the sunshine.

Also, when I took a trip up to the northwest to visit family oh so long ago, I thought it was beautiful. There was moss everywhere. All the houses I saw were beautiful too. I guess my family just has good taste in architecture, but I remember seeing other beautiful houses that we drove by as well.

Here's hoping I have the chance to live somewhere where there are no extremes in the weather.

Clean up.

I feel like it's about time to clean up my emotional life. I feel like there are so many distractions keeping me from having a positive attitude and happy state of mind.
I think I am growing out of social networking. I am so sick of the negativity I see on facebook and I know the same kind of thing will end up happening on Google +. I also am kinda sick of knowing about all the things going on in everyone's lives without talking to them personally. It just doesn't feel good to me...like everyone is their own personal tabloid magazine and no one cares about each other as human beings. But the problem is that I feel so dependent on facebook to keep in touch with everyone and know what's going on.
So, what I am going to do is majorly clean out my friends list, and then I am going to limit my time on facebook to 20 minutes once a day. I think it's time to let people know that I would prefer staying in contact with people that are willing to really keep in touch with me and spend time with me.
I'm willing to admit that I have let my online life take over the meaningful and tangible, and it's time to focus on what matters more. Sure, online networking is great for business, but when it come to people, I think think social networking is too impersonal.
Also, it's time for me to let go of the people that aren't willing to care about me as much as I care about them. I am not really the type to keep score on everything, but there comes a point when you know you are trying to sustain something that is already dead. If these old "friends" show interest in me again, I will willingly give, but I don't need to worry about how I can get people to like me that just don't care anymore.
Letting go is something I don't always like to do, but I try to keep an eternal perspective..someday, far in the future, everyone will love and care for each other and no one will be left alone.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Self Esteem

Self esteem is an interesting thing. How you feel about yourself pretty much affects how you feel about almost everything else.

I know a lot about self-esteem, but that doesn't mean I have good self-esteem. Knowing and doing can be very different things in the world of emotions.

The fatal sting of comparing yourself to others

Sometimes I look at blog posts and photos that come from other people (especially other young couples) and I wonder how the can be so good at life! I know so many couples that seem to have it all (at least compared to me). They have these nice apartments that they have decorated so nicely, they find jobs so easily, and they have the time and money to go on all these fabulous trips and adventures. I start to wonder what is so wrong with me that I can't seem to do these things.
The other thing that is hard with this is when I see pictures of my friends and how beautiful and accomplished they are. I start to think, "Why can't I control my eating and be skinny like that?" or "Why don't I have the energy and health to do great things with my life?"

Everyone else seems to be able to all these wonderful things, work 40 hours a week, and still look great. I start working 40 hours a week and stress myself out, come home and eat my emotions, watch movies, and still catch a cold from all the stress. My husband and I have a very crappy computer, a tiny (and I mean tiny) apartment, hand-me-down furniture, and jobs as janitors. We don't have much besides our sense of humor and a little bit of ambition.

If you've ever felt this way, just know that your aren't alone, I know exactly how it is to feel like that. If no one understands you, at least I will do the best I can to.

I remember once a year-and-a-half ago I was doing the whole looking at other people's facebook pages and blog and comparing them to me. I started complaining out loud to my roommate about how everyone was having such great lives and I wasn't. She just said "You are doing that comparing thing. You will never feel happy and good about yourself if you do that all the time. I think she knew that I knew it wasn't good for me to do that. Her statement has stuck with me, because it's true. And the thing about it is that it goes both ways. You won't be happy if you compare yourself to others saying that you are better than them either.

How do you get out of this habit? If I knew much about how to stop comparing yourself to others, it might not be such a problem to me.
I think a big part of overcoming this problem is reminding yourself that everyone is a human being, and we all have problems. What we show on the internet is usually the best parts of our lives, not the piles of dishes or the mundane tasks at work, or the fights we have with other people. If you want to know what is going on in someone's life, call them or talk to them in person. It's harder to get jealous when you hear a human voice or see a face.

The other side of self-esteem

Once my cousin said something about how the reason he is so loud, dramatic, and funny is that he totally fears rejection. He protects himself by being loud and making lots of jokes. When I heard that, I realized that I could completely relate to it. Often the people that seem the most confident, and in some cases, arrogant, are the ones with the lowest self-esteem. They alter or exaggerate their behavior to go with how they think people would like them best. They shield their hearts with their loud voices and boasting and jokes. I used to do this a lot as a teenager. But all it did was make me feel empty. I felt so sad that no one saw or understood me for who I really was, but now that I had made myself look and act a certain way, I felt that I either had to stick with the reputation I already had, or I had to build it up with even crazier behavior. Now I am over that, and life is better. But I know that it can be so hard to just be yourself, and I still have moments in life where I feel like I can't just be myself.

What helped me overcome this habit was realizing that giving of myself would bring me more happiness than trying to compel others to give me the attention I craved. Showing interest in other people and giving them attention will bring fulfillment and happiness. However, the key to success with this is not expecting anything back from the other people (except basic human respect). You aren't being sincere when you expect others to give compliments when you give them some. Just accept the fact that not everyone is going to be as thoughtful and caring as you. You'll be surprised at how much love you get when you give without restriction. Of course, you have to draw a line somewhere. If you feel like you are being walked all over, maybe you are giving too much. But a little selflessness goes a long way.

Negativity Hurts

They say for every negative thing you think or say toward someone, it'll takes 10 positive things from you to heal that hurt. Negativity can be a powerful, hurtful thing. Sometimes it drives me crazy to see how rampant cyber-bullying, back-talking, and general negative statements are. Just remember that when someone says something mean, it's almost always because they are hurting too.

I always hurt myself by saying negative things about myself, whether it's out loud or in my head. Everyone does that. I think it's something that we as humans have to battle our whole lives.

In the parenting class I help teach, we have homework for each week, and one of the homework assignments for the self-esteem weeks is to give yourself credit for something good every day. And you have to say it out loud. There is nothing wrong with saying "I sure got those dishes done fast!" or "Wow i was so productive today!" It's okay to acknowledge that you are a great person. As long as you aren't doing it to make yourself feel like you are better than other people. That's when pride creeps in.

Try to be patient with other people and avoid saying negative thing about them. The first step is to not participate when others are gossiping about people. You don't have to chastise them or anything, just don't join in.

Lastly, take care of yourself. Keep your body clean and healthy. If you need help, admit it and find it. It's just fine to ask others for help. I know it can be hard to find time to do fun things or develop your talents, but try to find a way to work those things into your life that bring you happiness. And be willing to learn. Learning feels so good when you are interested in the subject. Even if it's just Youtube tutorials.

A Quiet Mind, Part 2

“Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes and the grass grows by itself.”
-Zen Proverb

Have you ever just let a problem go? Did it fix itself? Last year, I was in therapy for anxiety, and I learned a very important lesson about quieting the mind. When I had anxious thoughts, I worried about them so much and I just wanted to fix those anxious thoughts, banish them and never let them return. But the more I tried to reason with the anxious thoughts, the worse my anxiety became.
In therapy, I learned to just stop caring so much about it. Those worries and thoughts weren't helping me, so why should I pay attention to them? I just learned to let the worries come, and then let them be. I learned that I don't have control over everything, but I can control my reactions, and my reactions can influence my situation for the better. There is a great peace of mind that comes when you realize you don't have to control everything, you just have to trust yourself to make the best choice regarding your situation. And a big part of trusting yourself is accepting that you'll have worries, but you don't have to dwell on them.

My Faith and A Quiet Mind

Part of what gives me peace of mind is knowing that God is there for me, and knows I have great potential for good. Knowing how God feels about me helps me feel love for others, and helps me feel more peaceful about my future.

Part of that peace comes from following God's Commandments and the guidance of the Gospel and the Holy Ghost. I've learned that when I am doing the right things with my everyday life, I will have more peace during bigger life changes or decisions, because my spirit will be strong from it's diet of study, prayer, and faith. Just like when you eat a diet of healthy foods, your body craves things that are good for you. When you are trying to be good and honest and faithful every day, you yourself with be drawn to things that will be a positive influence in your life and you will be safe from influences that can harm you. Soon you learn to have an inner peace and trust yourself. It's something you must work on every day, but that's the great part about it. You can slowly grow and adjust and improve, and knowing that it's a step-by-step process gives me great peace.

Trusting God brings that peace to a whole new level. Knowing that he only brings things into your life for your good makes you realize that the difficult times you have won't last forever, and those hardships will bring you blessings and strength you couldn't receive otherwise. Tell yourself to trust God. It takes practice. Accept that you won't be perfect at it and you will give yourself room to keep improving.

“In quiet places, reason abounds.” -Adlai Stevenson

Are there practical applications to practice quieting the mind? Of course! With all I have discussed, there are real-life things you can do to strengthen your peace of mind so you can process your relationships,, problems, anxiety, or faith more efficiently. Here are some things I have tried or want to try.

1. Tai Chi: The only time I experienced Tai Chi was when I was 15 and attended a workshop about it at a Choir Camp I was enrolled in. There was something wonderful about just focusing on the energy you have inside yourself and around you, and thinking of nothing else. Moving so slow and quietly brought my senses to full attention and made my mind clear and focused. I am signed up in a Tai Chi class for fall semester, and hopefully my schedule will be kind enough to me so I won't have to drop it. I really look foward to learning more.

2. A clean environment: Everyone has heard this, but it's so true. A clean living and working space helps free the mind. The best way I can explain this is with Autism. Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that- a spectrum. At one end of the spectrum is the severely autistic children, and at the other end is those with high functioning Asberger's. If you go further than that, you get ADHD, and then ADD, and then you eventually get to "normal", everyday people. Well guess what? A common symptom of ADD, ADHD, and Autism is that people with these "disorders" are highly affected by disorganized and cluttered environments. I personally think that is a sign of the fact that it's human nature to not be able to cope well mentally with a messy environment. Because we are ALL on the spectrum and are affected by many of the same, basic stimulants around us. Hopefully that makes sense and hopefully I haven't offended anyone, because in my experience with Austistic children, they really aren't a different "type" than the rest of the world, they just have different strengths and weaknesses than the Non-Autistic population.

3. Meditation: Visualizing, Listening to peaceful music, repeating an encouraging mantra, or whatever it is, it's important to take a few quiet moments for yourself every once and a while to just think or not think. My personal favorite way to meditate is by listening to beautiful instrumental music and dreaming about what my mutant powers would be. Or, just thinking about whatever positive thing I have to look forward to in life, my dreams, and the people I love.

4. Prayer and Temple Attendance, and Scripture Study: Developing that trusting relationship with God and reading His wise words along with the words of the prophets in history can be a great reminder of what this life is all about distract us from the troubles of the world we live in.

5. Nature: Being out in nature and seeing the beautiful things in the world is a great way to quiet the mind. You don't even have to think about it or meditate. Just go out somewhere with plants and dirt and sky and look around. The natural, beautiful design or the world brings peace to the senses.

6. Follow the Example of Uncle Iroh: Anyone watch Avatar: The Last Airbender? One of my favorite characters is the Uncle of Prince Zuko, and I realized why I admire him so much is because he makes the best of every situation he is in and doesn't fall apart when things go wrong. He still takes care of his health, is kind to those around him, and he knows who he is wan encourages other people to think through things calmly. I love that.

7. Express Yourself: Scrapbooking, Sports, Drawing, Dancing, Talking, Writing, Singing, whatever it is, just try to incorporate it into your life when you can. Include relationships in this. For me, it's makeup and creating my own accessories. Does it make you feel like you accomplished a little extra? Did it give you excercise? Did you bond with someone?

I'm not perfect at any of these, and it important to remember that you can't be unrealistic with yourself. I still want to learn more about meditation and quieting my mind, and hopefully I can share what I learn. But for now, I just hope I touched someone's heart today and helped them find a little more peace in their lives.

A quiet mind Pt. 1

If I were to name anyone that has a quiet, peaceful mind in this world, I wouldn't point to myself. My mind is often racing and frantic, filled with worries and excuses and charts comparing pros and cons of every decision I have to make. However, lately I have have the ideas of developing the art of quieting the mind impressed upon me. Piece by piece, little lessons have been given me "Distilled as the dews from heaven", if you will) about why and how I should practice quieting my mind.

“Happiness means quiet nerves.”- W.C. Fields

I'm not going to say that a happy life is filled with quietness and peace. I do believe that every life is an adventure, and we must learn to embrace that. However, a balanced life with quiet moments will help us be better equipped with the ability to decide how happy we are. Here's an example:

I love to dance. Dance parties bring me a whole ton of joy. All that dancing just purges me of excess energy and emotion. After a good night out dancing, I love to turn on some quiet, orchestrated music and have a quiet conversation with a friend. When I am able to follow that type of routine, living with gusto and then giving myself time for sweet reflection or conversation, my mind feels balanced and i can truly grow from what I am experiencing. The more I grow, the more I am able to decide for myself how I will handle my emotions. I can decide I am happy.

Being Quiet in Relationships

In relationships, there are a couple different ways being quiet can help. One way is the quietness of acceptance. How many times do you see a parent or spouse being bothered by some little thing a family member does and they just HAVE to say something? Or what about when you feel hurt or wronged and you want to bounce back with a loud retort? Something in me recently has told me to stop that. I don't know how I learned it, but now when I want to nag a family member or tell someone off, I just stop myself and keep quiet. And it's been great. There are so many hurtful things I haven't said, because I just shut that little angry voice up and told myself that saying something negative wasn't going to change anything. Because it doesn't.

Just take a chance to accept things that aren't of urgent importance. If your friend is being insensitive, it is not your place to loudly disagree. Your place is to quietly stick to what you know is right, say kind words, and move on. Yes, sometimes we do need to stand up, fight back, etc. but sometimes just quietly moving on will get the point across.

Acceptance of your loved ones problems or flaws is a another part of being quiet in relationships. Remember, you can try to help, but you can't control or change a person. A soft, loving voice will help your children or spouse listen and change, not a loud, demanding voice. This concept of loving acceptance is one that social workers and therapists keep in their minds all the time to help them feel peace as they help others through their problems. Today I read about a woman's dramatic "Intervention meeting" held for her by her family, where they assertively expressed hurt and concern for her as she stayed in an abusive relationship. Instead of feeling loved and cared for, she felt like she needed to put up defenses against her family. What she needed was to be told that she was loved and accepted, bad decisions and all. If she had felt that quiet acceptance, she would probably be more willing to listen to the points her family was trying to make about her well-being.

Parents, children communicate their needs in many indirect ways, and it is up to parents to be quiet enough to pay attention to the cues their children give them. Perhaps your child is acting out because they are lacking in something they need, be it sleep, affection , or playtime. Or perhaps your child won't look up or they are talking less than usual. If you simplify and quiet your mind enough, you will be able to pay attention to these things and know that your children are in need of help and guidance.
Also, spending quiet time one-on-one with family members makes it easier to communicate needs and stresses.

Lastly, taking a moment to be quiet before a dealing with a relationship problem can help you clear you head and think about what you really need to say. This is something I am definitely not good at, but I am working on it. Often when I do this I realize how badly I need to humble myself and apologize, which then brings humility to the other party and everyone is happy.