“Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes and the grass grows by itself.”
-Zen Proverb
Have you ever just let a problem go? Did it fix itself? Last year, I was in therapy for anxiety, and I learned a very important lesson about quieting the mind. When I had anxious thoughts, I worried about them so much and I just wanted to fix those anxious thoughts, banish them and never let them return. But the more I tried to reason with the anxious thoughts, the worse my anxiety became.
In therapy, I learned to just stop caring so much about it. Those worries and thoughts weren't helping me, so why should I pay attention to them? I just learned to let the worries come, and then let them be. I learned that I don't have control over everything, but I can control my reactions, and my reactions can influence my situation for the better. There is a great peace of mind that comes when you realize you don't have to control everything, you just have to trust yourself to make the best choice regarding your situation. And a big part of trusting yourself is accepting that you'll have worries, but you don't have to dwell on them.
My Faith and A Quiet Mind
Part of what gives me peace of mind is knowing that God is there for me, and knows I have great potential for good. Knowing how God feels about me helps me feel love for others, and helps me feel more peaceful about my future.
Part of that peace comes from following God's Commandments and the guidance of the Gospel and the Holy Ghost. I've learned that when I am doing the right things with my everyday life, I will have more peace during bigger life changes or decisions, because my spirit will be strong from it's diet of study, prayer, and faith. Just like when you eat a diet of healthy foods, your body craves things that are good for you. When you are trying to be good and honest and faithful every day, you yourself with be drawn to things that will be a positive influence in your life and you will be safe from influences that can harm you. Soon you learn to have an inner peace and trust yourself. It's something you must work on every day, but that's the great part about it. You can slowly grow and adjust and improve, and knowing that it's a step-by-step process gives me great peace.
Trusting God brings that peace to a whole new level. Knowing that he only brings things into your life for your good makes you realize that the difficult times you have won't last forever, and those hardships will bring you blessings and strength you couldn't receive otherwise. Tell yourself to trust God. It takes practice. Accept that you won't be perfect at it and you will give yourself room to keep improving.
“In quiet places, reason abounds.” -Adlai Stevenson
Are there practical applications to practice quieting the mind? Of course! With all I have discussed, there are real-life things you can do to strengthen your peace of mind so you can process your relationships,, problems, anxiety, or faith more efficiently. Here are some things I have tried or want to try.
1. Tai Chi: The only time I experienced Tai Chi was when I was 15 and attended a workshop about it at a Choir Camp I was enrolled in. There was something wonderful about just focusing on the energy you have inside yourself and around you, and thinking of nothing else. Moving so slow and quietly brought my senses to full attention and made my mind clear and focused. I am signed up in a Tai Chi class for fall semester, and hopefully my schedule will be kind enough to me so I won't have to drop it. I really look foward to learning more.
2. A clean environment: Everyone has heard this, but it's so true. A clean living and working space helps free the mind. The best way I can explain this is with Autism. Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that- a spectrum. At one end of the spectrum is the severely autistic children, and at the other end is those with high functioning Asberger's. If you go further than that, you get ADHD, and then ADD, and then you eventually get to "normal", everyday people. Well guess what? A common symptom of ADD, ADHD, and Autism is that people with these "disorders" are highly affected by disorganized and cluttered environments. I personally think that is a sign of the fact that it's human nature to not be able to cope well mentally with a messy environment. Because we are ALL on the spectrum and are affected by many of the same, basic stimulants around us. Hopefully that makes sense and hopefully I haven't offended anyone, because in my experience with Austistic children, they really aren't a different "type" than the rest of the world, they just have different strengths and weaknesses than the Non-Autistic population.
3. Meditation: Visualizing, Listening to peaceful music, repeating an encouraging mantra, or whatever it is, it's important to take a few quiet moments for yourself every once and a while to just think or not think. My personal favorite way to meditate is by listening to beautiful instrumental music and dreaming about what my mutant powers would be. Or, just thinking about whatever positive thing I have to look forward to in life, my dreams, and the people I love.
4. Prayer and Temple Attendance, and Scripture Study: Developing that trusting relationship with God and reading His wise words along with the words of the prophets in history can be a great reminder of what this life is all about distract us from the troubles of the world we live in.
5. Nature: Being out in nature and seeing the beautiful things in the world is a great way to quiet the mind. You don't even have to think about it or meditate. Just go out somewhere with plants and dirt and sky and look around. The natural, beautiful design or the world brings peace to the senses.
6. Follow the Example of Uncle Iroh: Anyone watch Avatar: The Last Airbender? One of my favorite characters is the Uncle of Prince Zuko, and I realized why I admire him so much is because he makes the best of every situation he is in and doesn't fall apart when things go wrong. He still takes care of his health, is kind to those around him, and he knows who he is wan encourages other people to think through things calmly. I love that.
7. Express Yourself: Scrapbooking, Sports, Drawing, Dancing, Talking, Writing, Singing, whatever it is, just try to incorporate it into your life when you can. Include relationships in this. For me, it's makeup and creating my own accessories. Does it make you feel like you accomplished a little extra? Did it give you excercise? Did you bond with someone?
I'm not perfect at any of these, and it important to remember that you can't be unrealistic with yourself. I still want to learn more about meditation and quieting my mind, and hopefully I can share what I learn. But for now, I just hope I touched someone's heart today and helped them find a little more peace in their lives.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A quiet mind Pt. 1
If I were to name anyone that has a quiet, peaceful mind in this world, I wouldn't point to myself. My mind is often racing and frantic, filled with worries and excuses and charts comparing pros and cons of every decision I have to make. However, lately I have have the ideas of developing the art of quieting the mind impressed upon me. Piece by piece, little lessons have been given me "Distilled as the dews from heaven", if you will) about why and how I should practice quieting my mind.
“Happiness means quiet nerves.”- W.C. Fields
I'm not going to say that a happy life is filled with quietness and peace. I do believe that every life is an adventure, and we must learn to embrace that. However, a balanced life with quiet moments will help us be better equipped with the ability to decide how happy we are. Here's an example:
I love to dance. Dance parties bring me a whole ton of joy. All that dancing just purges me of excess energy and emotion. After a good night out dancing, I love to turn on some quiet, orchestrated music and have a quiet conversation with a friend. When I am able to follow that type of routine, living with gusto and then giving myself time for sweet reflection or conversation, my mind feels balanced and i can truly grow from what I am experiencing. The more I grow, the more I am able to decide for myself how I will handle my emotions. I can decide I am happy.
Being Quiet in Relationships
In relationships, there are a couple different ways being quiet can help. One way is the quietness of acceptance. How many times do you see a parent or spouse being bothered by some little thing a family member does and they just HAVE to say something? Or what about when you feel hurt or wronged and you want to bounce back with a loud retort? Something in me recently has told me to stop that. I don't know how I learned it, but now when I want to nag a family member or tell someone off, I just stop myself and keep quiet. And it's been great. There are so many hurtful things I haven't said, because I just shut that little angry voice up and told myself that saying something negative wasn't going to change anything. Because it doesn't.
Just take a chance to accept things that aren't of urgent importance. If your friend is being insensitive, it is not your place to loudly disagree. Your place is to quietly stick to what you know is right, say kind words, and move on. Yes, sometimes we do need to stand up, fight back, etc. but sometimes just quietly moving on will get the point across.
Acceptance of your loved ones problems or flaws is a another part of being quiet in relationships. Remember, you can try to help, but you can't control or change a person. A soft, loving voice will help your children or spouse listen and change, not a loud, demanding voice. This concept of loving acceptance is one that social workers and therapists keep in their minds all the time to help them feel peace as they help others through their problems. Today I read about a woman's dramatic "Intervention meeting" held for her by her family, where they assertively expressed hurt and concern for her as she stayed in an abusive relationship. Instead of feeling loved and cared for, she felt like she needed to put up defenses against her family. What she needed was to be told that she was loved and accepted, bad decisions and all. If she had felt that quiet acceptance, she would probably be more willing to listen to the points her family was trying to make about her well-being.
Parents, children communicate their needs in many indirect ways, and it is up to parents to be quiet enough to pay attention to the cues their children give them. Perhaps your child is acting out because they are lacking in something they need, be it sleep, affection , or playtime. Or perhaps your child won't look up or they are talking less than usual. If you simplify and quiet your mind enough, you will be able to pay attention to these things and know that your children are in need of help and guidance.
Also, spending quiet time one-on-one with family members makes it easier to communicate needs and stresses.
Lastly, taking a moment to be quiet before a dealing with a relationship problem can help you clear you head and think about what you really need to say. This is something I am definitely not good at, but I am working on it. Often when I do this I realize how badly I need to humble myself and apologize, which then brings humility to the other party and everyone is happy.
“Happiness means quiet nerves.”- W.C. Fields
I'm not going to say that a happy life is filled with quietness and peace. I do believe that every life is an adventure, and we must learn to embrace that. However, a balanced life with quiet moments will help us be better equipped with the ability to decide how happy we are. Here's an example:
I love to dance. Dance parties bring me a whole ton of joy. All that dancing just purges me of excess energy and emotion. After a good night out dancing, I love to turn on some quiet, orchestrated music and have a quiet conversation with a friend. When I am able to follow that type of routine, living with gusto and then giving myself time for sweet reflection or conversation, my mind feels balanced and i can truly grow from what I am experiencing. The more I grow, the more I am able to decide for myself how I will handle my emotions. I can decide I am happy.
Being Quiet in Relationships
In relationships, there are a couple different ways being quiet can help. One way is the quietness of acceptance. How many times do you see a parent or spouse being bothered by some little thing a family member does and they just HAVE to say something? Or what about when you feel hurt or wronged and you want to bounce back with a loud retort? Something in me recently has told me to stop that. I don't know how I learned it, but now when I want to nag a family member or tell someone off, I just stop myself and keep quiet. And it's been great. There are so many hurtful things I haven't said, because I just shut that little angry voice up and told myself that saying something negative wasn't going to change anything. Because it doesn't.
Just take a chance to accept things that aren't of urgent importance. If your friend is being insensitive, it is not your place to loudly disagree. Your place is to quietly stick to what you know is right, say kind words, and move on. Yes, sometimes we do need to stand up, fight back, etc. but sometimes just quietly moving on will get the point across.
Acceptance of your loved ones problems or flaws is a another part of being quiet in relationships. Remember, you can try to help, but you can't control or change a person. A soft, loving voice will help your children or spouse listen and change, not a loud, demanding voice. This concept of loving acceptance is one that social workers and therapists keep in their minds all the time to help them feel peace as they help others through their problems. Today I read about a woman's dramatic "Intervention meeting" held for her by her family, where they assertively expressed hurt and concern for her as she stayed in an abusive relationship. Instead of feeling loved and cared for, she felt like she needed to put up defenses against her family. What she needed was to be told that she was loved and accepted, bad decisions and all. If she had felt that quiet acceptance, she would probably be more willing to listen to the points her family was trying to make about her well-being.
Parents, children communicate their needs in many indirect ways, and it is up to parents to be quiet enough to pay attention to the cues their children give them. Perhaps your child is acting out because they are lacking in something they need, be it sleep, affection , or playtime. Or perhaps your child won't look up or they are talking less than usual. If you simplify and quiet your mind enough, you will be able to pay attention to these things and know that your children are in need of help and guidance.
Also, spending quiet time one-on-one with family members makes it easier to communicate needs and stresses.
Lastly, taking a moment to be quiet before a dealing with a relationship problem can help you clear you head and think about what you really need to say. This is something I am definitely not good at, but I am working on it. Often when I do this I realize how badly I need to humble myself and apologize, which then brings humility to the other party and everyone is happy.
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