I stumbled through this conversation with lots of phrases like "yes, do research" "but only if you want to" "as long as your baby is loved and safe" and "I'm sure you will be a great mom". I wasn't very eloquent, and barely got any point across. So I will write out my thoughts on this subject, hopefully a little more eloquently than in conversation.
I have to admit, I am actually very opinionated about many things pertaining to parenting and child development. It's hard not to be when you studied child development in school and you work with kids all of the time. Child development is my passion! Parenting and teaching are my true callings! So of course I am very opinionated! How could I not be?
I try to hide it a little because I also believe in not getting in people's business. I want to respect other people's decisions. I don't want to judge (even though I do. A lot.)!
So what do you do? Do you read all of the articles? Follow all of the advice? Give in to all of the pressure society puts on already stressed out parents? Can you be a good parent without planning and researching every little thing?
Well, here's what I think:
I am a big believer that knowledge is power. I have spent a lot of time reading pinning, listening, and learning about anything and everything parenting, and I don't regret it. I am grateful for every class I took on human development in college. I have gained so much insight from articles and blogs since having a baby. I realize that not everybody can major in child development or pin every little activity idea, but any knowledge you can gain is going to help you make a more informed decision. I've read about a lot of different views and methods-some obviously will clash. But that's a good thing! Take what you like and throw away what you don't! At least you know your options. Much of the knowledge I have gained has made me more confident and my journey as a parent easier!
Being a parent is really hard. I love it and enjoy it most of the time, but there are some mind-boggling, difficult obstacles for every parent. I personally feel like I am making life more simple for myself when I have an arsenal of ideas and solutions to start with. I feel like the more deliberate and thoughtful I am as a parent, the more problems I avoid. Part of that deliberate thinking is doing my research and learning as much I can.
So yeah, planning out your parenting techniques and gaining lots of knowledge is wonderful. But there's another side to this coin.
When you are a parent, you have to be flexible. You also become the expert on your baby as an individual. Sometimes instinct trumps education and grand plans. There have been quite a few instances in my journey as a parent already where I have done the research and not followed it because my baby's cues and my instincts told me to go in a different direction. And that was great too! Often as a mom you just know, you know? And it doesn't matter what anyone else says. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and be flexible.
So what? Are you supposed to try and balance the neuroses of learning and planning with the impulsiveness of following instincts and cues? It's really more like harmonizing. Gain some knowledge from solid sources and then let your instincts go from there. Luckily for me, parenting is a step-by step process. I am glad I started with a base of knowledge, but I have learned quite a bit as I have gone along as well.
We don't have to war over different opinions and techniques. There are so many ways to raise happy, well adjusted children. What matters most is that you are present, you are learning, you are listening to your baby, and you are doing your best. As long as you are full of unconditional love for your child and are willing to be fully invested, you will be a great parent.
I like what you're saying, but I think that no matter how much you study and prepare, there will always be someway you will blow it as a parent. And it will be in a way that you never even expected. And better yet, you won't even have learned about your big parenting eff-up until your children are older and grown-up. At that point, all that you can say is, 'I'm sorry.' To me, *that* is what parenting is all about-- being willing to say you're sorry when you're wrong or when the research had led you in the completely wrong direction.
ReplyDeleteI think that if you believe that you have all the answers, you're setting yourself to be disappointed.
It's awesome that you have boned up on child development knowledge. Whenever I feel like I am failing, it is a relief to know that there are experts. And trust me, I use those experts and have the paid and unpaid bills to prove it.