Personal Commandments

I am currently reading a wonderful book called "Happier at Home" written by Gretchen Rubin. It is the sequel to her book "The Happiness Project" (which I have actually not read, but want to), and I must tell you it is a wonderful book. It's made me think a lot about the small changes I can make to maximize happiness and peace in my life. I love the way Gretchen writes this book not to be instructions or a guide, but more like a journal of her experiences and a discussion to get you thinking. I like that I don't feel like I am being told the answers to happiness by this book (because the answers aren't the same for everyone), but I AM drawing plenty of inspiration and ideas from her experiences. And sometimes I just plain-old try to copy what I read.

One thing I read about in "Happier at Home" that i want to try and copy is the idea of making your own set of "Personal Commandments". Gretchen details her list of personal commandments in her writing, but it seems to me the personal commandments aren't just goals, and the are more than resolutions. To me, my personal commandments are more like habits that I want to cultivate for the rest of my life. What I love about them is that they are personal. They can be whatever I want them to be. If I want to change them over time, I can, because they are mine! So here is the set of personal commandments (so far):

1. Be Brynn
Gretchen's first commandment is to "Be Gretchen" and what a wonderful thing it is to be yourself and nobody else. So I just want to first and foremost "Be Brynn". I want to act like myself, want thing I want, and not get distracted by trying to be someone else.

2. Embrace Opportunities for Gratitude and Generosity
Don't skip baby showers, Send out Christmas cards, give thank you notes, look for people in need of a small act of service, etc. etc. etc. and count your blessings. Those sorts of things. When I first got married a few years ago I was just about the least thoughtful person I could possibly be (but part of that was because I was the one sorely in need of service), but now I am ready to be the generous one.

3. Say "I love you" to Husband and Child(ren) Each Day
Because you can never say it enough!

4. Choose Food for Nutrients
Enough counting calories and worrying about fat and carbs. Food is not the enemy. Dieting in the traditional sense of the word is not healthy or sustainable throughout life. I decided about a year ago that I am not going to focus on cutting bad things out or focusing on what I shouldn't have, but instead, work on bringing more good things in. The more good things I eat the less room I have for junk food. So now I deliberately think about the nutrients in the food I choose. Does it have plenty of complex carbs? Fiber? Protein? Omega-3s? Betacarotene? Lycopene?  I want to make a change in my health that I can have as a habit for as long as I live, so instead of focusing on losing extra weight quick or cutting things out, I am focusing on feeding myself healthy foods in a way that I can enjoy. Yeah, I still have junk food sometimes, but at least I am looking for the best food the rest of the time.

p.s. If you haven't seen the documentary "Hungry for Change", I highly recommend it.  It was a source of inspiration for this commandment.

5. Speak Up
Speak up when someone says my name wrong. Speak up when someone I love crosses boundaries and upsets me. Speak up against people saying awful, mean things. Speak up when I feel someone hasn't given me due credit. My inability to stand up for myself has been a curse my whole life! It's time to change that.

6. Respond with Love
Whenever a problem comes up with my husband or children, how can I respond to the problem and solve it in the most loving way possible? This is a hard one. Sometimes I focus more on teaching a lesson than growing a family.

7. Let Creativity and Problem Solving Happen as Slowly or Quickly as They Like
Not inspired to paint? Then don't paint. Not sure what to write in that email? Wait an hour and see if it makes more sense after that. Sometimes it is perfectly okay to let something sit for a while and let your subconscious work on it.

8. Practice Trust in Yourself and the Spirit
This is the hardest commandment. I always hear these amazing stories of spiritual experiences that happen to people when faced with a big decision. These people have these amazing feelings of peace and love, distinct instructions and words of comfort, all because they prayed and studied and had faith. But the thing is, those things don't really happen to me. It was a big, frustrating struggle for a while. Why couldn't I get an answer to anything? How was I supposed to know where to go, who to marry, etc. etc. etc. But I have slowly realized that maybe that's just not what it's supposed to be like for me, ever. I think that one of my weaknesses is drowning myself in anxiety and not trusting myself and my own abilities (including my ability to follow the Spirit), and God knows that and wants me to learn and get plenty of practice, so he lets me struggle on my own.
When I decided to marry Craig, there was no warm feeling, fantastic revelation, or strong spiritual experience. I had plenty of doubts. In the end I had to just go with what I thought was a good thing to do and have faith that things would work out. And it did work out wonderfully. Eventually I did get that confirmation that I was doing what's right. And guess what? It was the exact same way for choosing a major, deciding where to move, and so on. All my big decisions I have made I just had to just go for it, with no strong feelings telling me what direction to go in. And eventually, little by little, I learned that I did, in fact, make the right decision and that God was watching over me the whole time.

9. Be a Durable Object
This one is all about keeping your cool in the midst of conflict. Working with children, you have to be a durable object. When a toddler has a tantrum, you can get through it as a durable object. When someone tells you a big shocker, first react by being a durable object.  Durable objects are still, solid, determined, and quiet. I have had enough experiences that it's easier to be the durable object as opposed to the stick of dynamite or the crushable plastic water bottle.

10. Be Active to Enjoy Your Body
Don't be active for any of these reasons: looks, scale numbers, trophies, accomplishments.
Do be active for these reasons: Health, fun, bonding with family and friends, enjoying nature, giving myself more energy and endurance, appreciating what my body can do.

This was a long one. If you made it to the end, give yourself a thumbs up. And if you want, consider what your personal commandments might be.

p.s. http://www.amazon.com/Happier-Home-Experiments-Practice-Hardcover/dp/B00BR9WXGC/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1408643318&sr=8-4&keywords=happier+at+home