Funerals

In my lifetime I think I have been to about 10 funerals. That's a lot for someone my age! I don't really get sad at most funerals, instead I look at it more as a part of life that I can learn from. I suppose that's because most funerals I have been to I didn't know the person very well. Anyway, I went to a funeral on monday, and it was my favorite one that I have ever been to.

It was for a my friend's grandma, and even though I have known her pretty much all my life, I didn't know her very well. But I learned how amazing she was and is! Wow! in that 1-2 hours during that funeral, I gained another role model. This is what I learned from her life:

1. Let your sense of right and wrong guide you, no matter what. When someone important to you is doing something wrong, speak up. Let them know gently and firmly what they are doing wrong, and then respect them and let them live their lives.
2. Learn to cook. Especially learn to make cakes. Cakes make people happy, and if you can make a personalized one for someone's birthday, they will remember that.
3. Make gifts for people that make them feel special. Mini used her sewing abilities to help a lot of little girls feel special. I would like to do that someday.
4. Be hospitable. Make your home a place where people can feel welcome, happy, and safe. Don't apologize if you house isn't perfectly clean, instead, focus on your guest being there. Don't make your guest feel like a nuisance, and don't show off how great you home is, even if it is amazing.
5. If other people are lonely and in need, they should have a spot in your family and prayers. Mini was always able to include others.
6.Learn to be excited and celebrate special occasions. Don't stress, just celebrate.

After the funeral we went to the grave site, which was up on a hill overlooking the valley. It was a beautiful view, and it was softly snowing. All the men wore handsome black coats, and the whole group was under a clump of navy blue umbrellas. Mini's grandson played amazing grace on the bagpipes for the dedication of the grave. It felt just like a movie.

Screaming and Unheard.

Yeah, it's about 3 in the morning and I am up...and too worked up to go to bed till I get this out to whoever will read.

Reasons why I am crying right now:
~It seems like the people closest to me never actually listen to me. I know, I talk to too much and too loud sometimes, but i have been battling for a word in edgewise my whole life. Would it hurt to just listen? Trust me, I have tried it, it's not bad at all. I don't want to be told what to do about my problems, I just want to be heard and understood.
~I haven't gone dancing, sang or done much drawing in months. It's hard not to have time or resources to express yourself.
~I wish I could just get to work on time, for once.
~I feel like my potential isn't ever going to start being fulfilled and I feel like it's my fault because I am too lazy and tired.
~I am just a dreamer.
~I want to be organized but somehow I forget to start.
~I am so afraid of my future. Growing up just sucks.
~I am stressing over everything.

I have no more to say.

How to be Super (Part 1)

Welcome to your guide of being super, magical, and all around awesome. In this guide you can find the secrets of life, all extracted from your television screen or your favorite book! Enjoy you new, super, magical life!

Part one: The Wisdom of Anime

Teen Titans: A superhero must always remember that there is a time to fight and a time to relax, and these times must never be mixed up. When Robin and his teammates get a distress call, they are determined to fight for victory, no matter how hard their mission may be. When you fight, you give it all you've got.
When it's time to relax, really give yourself the wholesome leisure you deserve after a long fight. Do things that are enjoyable, such as beating others at video games, some light weight-lifting, chowing down on tofu bacon and tofu eggs, meditating, or fine tuning the t-car. Activities like these will give you super satisfaction and relieve your stress.

Digimon: "There is no 'I' in TEAM" This often used phrase has often been said by the wise digimon to their humans that tend to forget what teamwork is all about. Sometimes, they put too much of the responsibility on themselves and forget they have many friends and powerful digimon to back them up. Sometimes, they are feeling angsty and unwilling to help their teammates. Remember, it can't hurt to help-or seek help.
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" Once said by Agumon (I think), this statement certainly packed some thought provoking punch. What this little yellow dinosaur meant is that when life has given you a bad situation, you can always turn it into something good. Whether it's learning from a bad experience, or using your enemy's strengths against them, it very possible to climb above your pickle.

Kiki's Delivery Service: Kiki has an incredible talent for flying on her broom, but when life gets complicated, she finds herself suddenly lacking in ability. This happens to everyone. They might concentrate too hard or over-extend themselves. When Kiki experienced this her artistically talented friend gave good advice. All that Kiki needed to do was relax and stop thinking about it! And a few days later, Kiki was flying again! Sometimes we become so self-conscious, nit-picky, impatient, or determined that we stress ourselves out and exhaust our abilities. But the great thing about natural powers is that they are very natural. They are always there, and all we have to do is tap into them. We can't force our superpowers to work, and we don't need to. We just need to work with them.

Spirited Away: Chihiro forgot who she was when she was working for the greedy witch Yubaba. Sometimes we do the same thing. We work too much for greed, and expect payment or payback for everything. When we are only thinking about ourselves, we forget ourselves. This is also what happened to the monster No-Face. He wanted everything, and didn't value the people around him. How did Chihiro and No-Face escape greed? They found out who thier true friends are, and in finding and caring about real, sincere friends, they found themselves. Because of this, Chihiro was also able to save Haku, who was also employed by Yubaba and affected by her greed. So, find yourself in caring for others. Isn't that what being super is all about?

The Escapist

My sister Camilla told me that I am an escapist a week or two ago.

What is an escapist you ask? And Escapist is a person that always wishes they were somewhere else, living out fantasies and adventures. They wish they could do the impossible. (See figure 1.1 to see the typical escapist's photo manipulation/expression of identity.)

Here is a list of my manifestations of escapism:

1. Preferring ambient music or movie soundtracks.(see figure 1.2)
2. Attraction to theme parks, such as Disneyland.
3. Frequent daydreaming; in fact, enjoying daydreaming so much that time is set aside just for that purpose.
4. Frequent reading of fantasy novels. (or watching of fantasy movies)
5. Dressing or decorating with a costume-or-scenery-like mindset.
6. Making up fantastic stories about myself. (Secret Agent, please!)
7. Constantly wanting to do a large variety of things. (trying to live out daydreams to the best of my ability)
8. Being easily swept away in movies, events, or books. (this explains my horrible fear in horror movies, and why I cry in Disney movies)
9. Passion for travel.
10. Passion for themed parties

Why being an escapist is good:

a. Abundant creativity
b. A drive for a full life and richer experiences

Why it sucks:

c. The realization and occasional reminders that a few of my greatest dreams can never be carried out.
d. Crying in Disney movies.

So I wonder. Who of my friends is an escapist? Does any of this apply to anyone else enough for them to consider themselves a full-on escapist? And, if so, would you like to make an escapist club?

I think that everyone has at least a little bit of escapist in them. Why else would people want to go on vacation?

One last thought:
"It's much easier to talk about something once you name it" ~(Don't know where I heard it, actually)

figure 1.1: A typical escapist illustration and manifestation. Notice the bright colors, and the distant look on the escapist's face.


Figure 1.2 A favorite music choice among escapists. The movie is a good escapist movie too!

You Don't Know Me

This is one of those videos I find myself watching on nights when I feel pitiful and lonely with no reason why.

Yeah, it is one of those nights.

p.s. watch out for the expletives...

My Job.

As I sit here, procrastinating english homework, I am listening the soundtrack of The Village. You know, I have heard a lot of people say how dissappointed they were when they saw that movie, but I love it. I love the tragic beauty of it. If you are expecting a horror movie, then don't watch it. But if you want to think, then it's a good one!



Anyway, I thought I'd share my very surreal experience with "the village"

I worked up at the haunted village this year for halloween, and it was really fun! But it was also very dark. Not like a negative dark, but at night up there with all those really old homes that people lived in years ago, it was...surreal. Ghost hunters say that much of the park really is haunted.

Several of the nights I worked, I was stationed in the Jewkes home. My job was to scream and throw plates at passers-by. On slow nights, I would go sit on the porch of this old pioneer home, and listen to the Village soundtrack playing through speakers hidden up and down the street. This music is beautiful and creepy on its own, but sitting there, in pioneer costume, with blowing leaves and distant screams, and that Inn staring at me from across the street, I felt very swept away.

Anyway, here is a picture of my very creepy makeup:

I tried to do handstands for you...

October is over! It was really a hard month. Here is why:
1. I worked tuesdays and thursdays. It just made getting all my homework done a lot more stressful, because I couldn't do any on tuesdays and thursdays all of a sudden! I went from school to piano lessons to work.
2. Craig's car needed a lot of repairs, which usually had to happen during lunch...which meant I had to eat alone sometimes.
3. Can anyone say midterms?

Besides those 3 big reasons were all the little ones about self doubt, worry, and those little things, those little concerns, that keep me awake at night..and sometimes concerns much bigger than myself. I am just an overly concerned person.

But there is one thing that somehow makes things right. Last monday I was feeling especially down, especially worried, when I noticed how sunny and warm it was. So I decided to take my dogs on a walk. We have this beautiful nature trail nearby that I practically grew up on. So I drove the dogs over to it, and we walked.

It was refreshing to see how excited they were. If I paused for even a second, they would turn around and look right at me and make thier excited noises. Miss Stacey actually would do a little dance and look into my eyes and do a combination between a whine and a bark, even when we weren't paused. My dogs reminded me that my whole life I have been anxious to have an adventure, and here I was, having one, and I was turning away from it, trying to sleep it off.

As we walked down the sunny trail I couldn't help but feel like this park is an old friend, one of the best ones I've got. It's always been around, with it's grassy smell and winding trails. I can't help but think that this little bit of nature in the middle of the city is like a temple, a refuge I can go to whenever I need it. Of course the real temple is even better, but I love being able to walk my dogs or ride my bike and just think or not think as much as i want.

"Nothing starts until you take action! If you have time to worry, then run!" -Sonic The Hedgehog
(Ok I know it's dorky, but think about it. It's a good quote and if I had paired it with Winston Churchill you would have bought it.)

P.S. Halloween was good, and it was really fun scaring people at my job. I love creating chaos like that. For halloween, I was a scottish wench, with my scotsman of course! We had lots of fun at the mocktail party!