I'll be embarrassed that I wrote this, but it needs to be said.
Depression is a disorder marked by several classic traits, but developed in a variety of ways. Sometimes it is purely biological, sometimes it is psychological habits that affect our Limbic systems physiological workings, sometimes depression is caused by a trigger, such a traumatic event or experience with abuse, and sometimes depression just kind of happens. Often, your eating habit add to the cause of depression. There are many lifestyle factors that contribute to it.
Most people will experience some level of clinical depression of anxiety in their life. It comes at all levels, but chances are, you will face it.
The most common and universal symptoms/characteristics of depression are:
1. Changes in sleep patterns
2. Lack of interest in school, hobbies, etc. when there is usually some interest
3. Feelings of guilt or worry
4. Lack of energy
5. Lack of ability to concentrate
6. Change in appetite. Either you lose your appetite or want to eat for comfort all the time.
7. Psychomotor retardation-this means that you feel like you are going in "slow-motion." Or that everything takes effort or you feel like it's taking a long time to do regular tasks.
8. Lack of sex drive
9. Suicidal ideation
If you have at least 5 of those symptoms for at least a few weeks, you probably have depression. Don't take my word for it though. If you are concerned that you may have depression, go to a doctor or psychological counseling center asap. If you have had suicidal ideations, tell someone asap.
Even if you only experience 3 of these symptoms, it's probably time to check yourself and see that you aren't creating bad habits of failing to take care of yourself. It's probably time for some kind of pick-me-up
Here are some characteristic thoughts/feelings of people with depression:
-Sense of no control
-Loss of hope
-Tendency to compare oneself to other people
-Belief that there aren't enough resources, jobs, talents etc. the go around
-Feeling of universality: that X will happen in every situation. Ex: Every time I try to share my talents, everyone is going to think I am a loser
-Feeling of permanence: that it's never going to get better
-Rumination: A slow, repetitive thought process focusing on a worry, problem, hurt, etc. that is often seen in people with depression, anxiety, or OCD.
-Low self-esteem
I always kind of knew I would have to face depression at some point, I just didn't know when. But here I am, facing it now. As painful and crippling as it is, I know mine isn't even close to severe. I have seen severe, sad cases of depression. I know that people give up sometimes. For some reason I haven't although I have thought about the idea of it: cutting classes, staying in bed, sleeping all day, surviving on junk food, refusing to socialize. Oh how I have longed to just give up..sometimes I don't know why I haven't. Trust me when I say that just because I haven't reached that point doesn't mean I've kept it all together. I don't eat very healthy. My free time is often wasted by sitting around watching movies and youtube. I am blessed that I haven't gotten that deep into depression, and that I have been able to get help early on into it. I think I am on my way out now, but it was been a difficult time.
I am not the same person I used to be. I barely try to be social anymore. I don't feel confident, I feel like I am doing everything wrong, and if I do something right, everyone will still think it's stupid. I get frustrated so easily. I feel worthless. I don't even know how to explain it. I'm just not the same person anymore.
I will be back to my normal self someday. I don't think it will take too long. But in the meantime, don't give me advice, don't judge me for my "bad attitude", just be glad I haven't given up. I'm not writing this to get attention, to announce myself to the world. I just want others who are depressed to know-You are not alone, and I won't judge you. I won't tell you what to do, because you are already smart. Maybe you already know what you should be doing to stop being depressed, and you beat yourself up every day for not being successful at it. I do that a lot, trust me. It's really hard, and I know. And people still love and care about you...but even if you can't think of anyone who does love you, just try to believe that God does. He really does. You are a main concern of his, and he thinks you are totally worth it.
And to everyone else:
You can't just "stop being depressed." It's just so much more than that. It's a process to get out of depression. If you know someone facing depression, validate them. They are dealing with a lot right now, and it's not just psychological. Respect them, comfort them, give them praise for what they are doing in spite of depression. Let them know they have a right to be sad and frustrated, but they won't be forever. Things will get better. Because when you face it yourself, you'll wish you had been more of a friend to those around you who are depressed. I know I do.
I tell myself that sometimes. Things will get better. I think maybe I am starting to believe it.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Something I feel passionate about.
The weather.
I dream of the day I can move to a placce that only has 2 seasons. I honestly hate summer just as much as I hate winter. My body has a hard time adjusting to extreme tempuratures and I don't really like summery clothers or wintery clothes. I like right in between: Light jackets, tights and skirts, and freedon to experiement with layering.
Someday, I would love to live on the northwest coast, somewhere between San Franciso and Seattle. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
When I talk about my dream home in the northwest, I am told things like: "The rain would be depressing..." "It's so cold there, and you would have no summer!" "I would die without sunshine!"
Well, first of all, I love rain and overcast skies. I love the combination of gray and green throughout the landscape. I love the fresh, wet sidewalk smell. Secondly, I would rather spend 10 months of the year in medium-chilly weather than 8 months of the year in freezing snow. Third, the sun gives me migraines, so I pretty much avoid it anyway. I definitely don't go outside to enjoy the sunshine.
Also, when I took a trip up to the northwest to visit family oh so long ago, I thought it was beautiful. There was moss everywhere. All the houses I saw were beautiful too. I guess my family just has good taste in architecture, but I remember seeing other beautiful houses that we drove by as well.
Here's hoping I have the chance to live somewhere where there are no extremes in the weather.
Also, when I took a trip up to the northwest to visit family oh so long ago, I thought it was beautiful. There was moss everywhere. All the houses I saw were beautiful too. I guess my family just has good taste in architecture, but I remember seeing other beautiful houses that we drove by as well.
Here's hoping I have the chance to live somewhere where there are no extremes in the weather.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Clean up.
I feel like it's about time to clean up my emotional life. I feel like there are so many distractions keeping me from having a positive attitude and happy state of mind.
I think I am growing out of social networking. I am so sick of the negativity I see on facebook and I know the same kind of thing will end up happening on Google +. I also am kinda sick of knowing about all the things going on in everyone's lives without talking to them personally. It just doesn't feel good to me...like everyone is their own personal tabloid magazine and no one cares about each other as human beings. But the problem is that I feel so dependent on facebook to keep in touch with everyone and know what's going on.
So, what I am going to do is majorly clean out my friends list, and then I am going to limit my time on facebook to 20 minutes once a day. I think it's time to let people know that I would prefer staying in contact with people that are willing to really keep in touch with me and spend time with me.
I'm willing to admit that I have let my online life take over the meaningful and tangible, and it's time to focus on what matters more. Sure, online networking is great for business, but when it come to people, I think think social networking is too impersonal.
Also, it's time for me to let go of the people that aren't willing to care about me as much as I care about them. I am not really the type to keep score on everything, but there comes a point when you know you are trying to sustain something that is already dead. If these old "friends" show interest in me again, I will willingly give, but I don't need to worry about how I can get people to like me that just don't care anymore.
Letting go is something I don't always like to do, but I try to keep an eternal perspective..someday, far in the future, everyone will love and care for each other and no one will be left alone.
I think I am growing out of social networking. I am so sick of the negativity I see on facebook and I know the same kind of thing will end up happening on Google +. I also am kinda sick of knowing about all the things going on in everyone's lives without talking to them personally. It just doesn't feel good to me...like everyone is their own personal tabloid magazine and no one cares about each other as human beings. But the problem is that I feel so dependent on facebook to keep in touch with everyone and know what's going on.
So, what I am going to do is majorly clean out my friends list, and then I am going to limit my time on facebook to 20 minutes once a day. I think it's time to let people know that I would prefer staying in contact with people that are willing to really keep in touch with me and spend time with me.
I'm willing to admit that I have let my online life take over the meaningful and tangible, and it's time to focus on what matters more. Sure, online networking is great for business, but when it come to people, I think think social networking is too impersonal.
Also, it's time for me to let go of the people that aren't willing to care about me as much as I care about them. I am not really the type to keep score on everything, but there comes a point when you know you are trying to sustain something that is already dead. If these old "friends" show interest in me again, I will willingly give, but I don't need to worry about how I can get people to like me that just don't care anymore.
Letting go is something I don't always like to do, but I try to keep an eternal perspective..someday, far in the future, everyone will love and care for each other and no one will be left alone.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The Wonders and Mysteries of Self Esteem
Self esteem is an interesting thing. How you feel about yourself pretty much affects how you feel about almost everything else.
I know a lot about self-esteem, but that doesn't mean I have good self-esteem. Knowing and doing can be very different things in the world of emotions.
The fatal sting of comparing yourself to others
Sometimes I look at blog posts and photos that come from other people (especially other young couples) and I wonder how the can be so good at life! I know so many couples that seem to have it all (at least compared to me). They have these nice apartments that they have decorated so nicely, they find jobs so easily, and they have the time and money to go on all these fabulous trips and adventures. I start to wonder what is so wrong with me that I can't seem to do these things.
The other thing that is hard with this is when I see pictures of my friends and how beautiful and accomplished they are. I start to think, "Why can't I control my eating and be skinny like that?" or "Why don't I have the energy and health to do great things with my life?"
Everyone else seems to be able to all these wonderful things, work 40 hours a week, and still look great. I start working 40 hours a week and stress myself out, come home and eat my emotions, watch movies, and still catch a cold from all the stress. My husband and I have a very crappy computer, a tiny (and I mean tiny) apartment, hand-me-down furniture, and jobs as janitors. We don't have much besides our sense of humor and a little bit of ambition.
If you've ever felt this way, just know that your aren't alone, I know exactly how it is to feel like that. If no one understands you, at least I will do the best I can to.
I remember once a year-and-a-half ago I was doing the whole looking at other people's facebook pages and blog and comparing them to me. I started complaining out loud to my roommate about how everyone was having such great lives and I wasn't. She just said "You are doing that comparing thing. You will never feel happy and good about yourself if you do that all the time. I think she knew that I knew it wasn't good for me to do that. Her statement has stuck with me, because it's true. And the thing about it is that it goes both ways. You won't be happy if you compare yourself to others saying that you are better than them either.
How do you get out of this habit? If I knew much about how to stop comparing yourself to others, it might not be such a problem to me.
I think a big part of overcoming this problem is reminding yourself that everyone is a human being, and we all have problems. What we show on the internet is usually the best parts of our lives, not the piles of dishes or the mundane tasks at work, or the fights we have with other people. If you want to know what is going on in someone's life, call them or talk to them in person. It's harder to get jealous when you hear a human voice or see a face.
The other side of self-esteem
Once my cousin said something about how the reason he is so loud, dramatic, and funny is that he totally fears rejection. He protects himself by being loud and making lots of jokes. When I heard that, I realized that I could completely relate to it. Often the people that seem the most confident, and in some cases, arrogant, are the ones with the lowest self-esteem. They alter or exaggerate their behavior to go with how they think people would like them best. They shield their hearts with their loud voices and boasting and jokes. I used to do this a lot as a teenager. But all it did was make me feel empty. I felt so sad that no one saw or understood me for who I really was, but now that I had made myself look and act a certain way, I felt that I either had to stick with the reputation I already had, or I had to build it up with even crazier behavior. Now I am over that, and life is better. But I know that it can be so hard to just be yourself, and I still have moments in life where I feel like I can't just be myself.
What helped me overcome this habit was realizing that giving of myself would bring me more happiness than trying to compel others to give me the attention I craved. Showing interest in other people and giving them attention will bring fulfillment and happiness. However, the key to success with this is not expecting anything back from the other people (except basic human respect). You aren't being sincere when you expect others to give compliments when you give them some. Just accept the fact that not everyone is going to be as thoughtful and caring as you. You'll be surprised at how much love you get when you give without restriction. Of course, you have to draw a line somewhere. If you feel like you are being walked all over, maybe you are giving too much. But a little selflessness goes a long way.
Negativity Hurts
They say for every negative thing you think or say toward someone, it'll takes 10 positive things from you to heal that hurt. Negativity can be a powerful, hurtful thing. Sometimes it drives me crazy to see how rampant cyber-bullying, back-talking, and general negative statements are. Just remember that when someone says something mean, it's almost always because they are hurting too.
I always hurt myself by saying negative things about myself, whether it's out loud or in my head. Everyone does that. I think it's something that we as humans have to battle our whole lives.
In the parenting class I help teach, we have homework for each week, and one of the homework assignments for the self-esteem weeks is to give yourself credit for something good every day. And you have to say it out loud. There is nothing wrong with saying "I sure got those dishes done fast!" or "Wow i was so productive today!" It's okay to acknowledge that you are a great person. As long as you aren't doing it to make yourself feel like you are better than other people. That's when pride creeps in.
Try to be patient with other people and avoid saying negative thing about them. The first step is to not participate when others are gossiping about people. You don't have to chastise them or anything, just don't join in.
Lastly, take care of yourself. Keep your body clean and healthy. If you need help, admit it and find it. It's just fine to ask others for help. I know it can be hard to find time to do fun things or develop your talents, but try to find a way to work those things into your life that bring you happiness. And be willing to learn. Learning feels so good when you are interested in the subject. Even if it's just Youtube tutorials.
I know a lot about self-esteem, but that doesn't mean I have good self-esteem. Knowing and doing can be very different things in the world of emotions.
The fatal sting of comparing yourself to others
Sometimes I look at blog posts and photos that come from other people (especially other young couples) and I wonder how the can be so good at life! I know so many couples that seem to have it all (at least compared to me). They have these nice apartments that they have decorated so nicely, they find jobs so easily, and they have the time and money to go on all these fabulous trips and adventures. I start to wonder what is so wrong with me that I can't seem to do these things.
The other thing that is hard with this is when I see pictures of my friends and how beautiful and accomplished they are. I start to think, "Why can't I control my eating and be skinny like that?" or "Why don't I have the energy and health to do great things with my life?"
Everyone else seems to be able to all these wonderful things, work 40 hours a week, and still look great. I start working 40 hours a week and stress myself out, come home and eat my emotions, watch movies, and still catch a cold from all the stress. My husband and I have a very crappy computer, a tiny (and I mean tiny) apartment, hand-me-down furniture, and jobs as janitors. We don't have much besides our sense of humor and a little bit of ambition.
If you've ever felt this way, just know that your aren't alone, I know exactly how it is to feel like that. If no one understands you, at least I will do the best I can to.
I remember once a year-and-a-half ago I was doing the whole looking at other people's facebook pages and blog and comparing them to me. I started complaining out loud to my roommate about how everyone was having such great lives and I wasn't. She just said "You are doing that comparing thing. You will never feel happy and good about yourself if you do that all the time. I think she knew that I knew it wasn't good for me to do that. Her statement has stuck with me, because it's true. And the thing about it is that it goes both ways. You won't be happy if you compare yourself to others saying that you are better than them either.
How do you get out of this habit? If I knew much about how to stop comparing yourself to others, it might not be such a problem to me.
I think a big part of overcoming this problem is reminding yourself that everyone is a human being, and we all have problems. What we show on the internet is usually the best parts of our lives, not the piles of dishes or the mundane tasks at work, or the fights we have with other people. If you want to know what is going on in someone's life, call them or talk to them in person. It's harder to get jealous when you hear a human voice or see a face.
The other side of self-esteem
Once my cousin said something about how the reason he is so loud, dramatic, and funny is that he totally fears rejection. He protects himself by being loud and making lots of jokes. When I heard that, I realized that I could completely relate to it. Often the people that seem the most confident, and in some cases, arrogant, are the ones with the lowest self-esteem. They alter or exaggerate their behavior to go with how they think people would like them best. They shield their hearts with their loud voices and boasting and jokes. I used to do this a lot as a teenager. But all it did was make me feel empty. I felt so sad that no one saw or understood me for who I really was, but now that I had made myself look and act a certain way, I felt that I either had to stick with the reputation I already had, or I had to build it up with even crazier behavior. Now I am over that, and life is better. But I know that it can be so hard to just be yourself, and I still have moments in life where I feel like I can't just be myself.
What helped me overcome this habit was realizing that giving of myself would bring me more happiness than trying to compel others to give me the attention I craved. Showing interest in other people and giving them attention will bring fulfillment and happiness. However, the key to success with this is not expecting anything back from the other people (except basic human respect). You aren't being sincere when you expect others to give compliments when you give them some. Just accept the fact that not everyone is going to be as thoughtful and caring as you. You'll be surprised at how much love you get when you give without restriction. Of course, you have to draw a line somewhere. If you feel like you are being walked all over, maybe you are giving too much. But a little selflessness goes a long way.
Negativity Hurts
They say for every negative thing you think or say toward someone, it'll takes 10 positive things from you to heal that hurt. Negativity can be a powerful, hurtful thing. Sometimes it drives me crazy to see how rampant cyber-bullying, back-talking, and general negative statements are. Just remember that when someone says something mean, it's almost always because they are hurting too.
I always hurt myself by saying negative things about myself, whether it's out loud or in my head. Everyone does that. I think it's something that we as humans have to battle our whole lives.
In the parenting class I help teach, we have homework for each week, and one of the homework assignments for the self-esteem weeks is to give yourself credit for something good every day. And you have to say it out loud. There is nothing wrong with saying "I sure got those dishes done fast!" or "Wow i was so productive today!" It's okay to acknowledge that you are a great person. As long as you aren't doing it to make yourself feel like you are better than other people. That's when pride creeps in.
Try to be patient with other people and avoid saying negative thing about them. The first step is to not participate when others are gossiping about people. You don't have to chastise them or anything, just don't join in.
Lastly, take care of yourself. Keep your body clean and healthy. If you need help, admit it and find it. It's just fine to ask others for help. I know it can be hard to find time to do fun things or develop your talents, but try to find a way to work those things into your life that bring you happiness. And be willing to learn. Learning feels so good when you are interested in the subject. Even if it's just Youtube tutorials.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A Quiet Mind, Part 2
“Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes and the grass grows by itself.”
-Zen Proverb
Have you ever just let a problem go? Did it fix itself? Last year, I was in therapy for anxiety, and I learned a very important lesson about quieting the mind. When I had anxious thoughts, I worried about them so much and I just wanted to fix those anxious thoughts, banish them and never let them return. But the more I tried to reason with the anxious thoughts, the worse my anxiety became.
In therapy, I learned to just stop caring so much about it. Those worries and thoughts weren't helping me, so why should I pay attention to them? I just learned to let the worries come, and then let them be. I learned that I don't have control over everything, but I can control my reactions, and my reactions can influence my situation for the better. There is a great peace of mind that comes when you realize you don't have to control everything, you just have to trust yourself to make the best choice regarding your situation. And a big part of trusting yourself is accepting that you'll have worries, but you don't have to dwell on them.
My Faith and A Quiet Mind
Part of what gives me peace of mind is knowing that God is there for me, and knows I have great potential for good. Knowing how God feels about me helps me feel love for others, and helps me feel more peaceful about my future.
Part of that peace comes from following God's Commandments and the guidance of the Gospel and the Holy Ghost. I've learned that when I am doing the right things with my everyday life, I will have more peace during bigger life changes or decisions, because my spirit will be strong from it's diet of study, prayer, and faith. Just like when you eat a diet of healthy foods, your body craves things that are good for you. When you are trying to be good and honest and faithful every day, you yourself with be drawn to things that will be a positive influence in your life and you will be safe from influences that can harm you. Soon you learn to have an inner peace and trust yourself. It's something you must work on every day, but that's the great part about it. You can slowly grow and adjust and improve, and knowing that it's a step-by-step process gives me great peace.
Trusting God brings that peace to a whole new level. Knowing that he only brings things into your life for your good makes you realize that the difficult times you have won't last forever, and those hardships will bring you blessings and strength you couldn't receive otherwise. Tell yourself to trust God. It takes practice. Accept that you won't be perfect at it and you will give yourself room to keep improving.
“In quiet places, reason abounds.” -Adlai Stevenson
Are there practical applications to practice quieting the mind? Of course! With all I have discussed, there are real-life things you can do to strengthen your peace of mind so you can process your relationships,, problems, anxiety, or faith more efficiently. Here are some things I have tried or want to try.
1. Tai Chi: The only time I experienced Tai Chi was when I was 15 and attended a workshop about it at a Choir Camp I was enrolled in. There was something wonderful about just focusing on the energy you have inside yourself and around you, and thinking of nothing else. Moving so slow and quietly brought my senses to full attention and made my mind clear and focused. I am signed up in a Tai Chi class for fall semester, and hopefully my schedule will be kind enough to me so I won't have to drop it. I really look foward to learning more.
2. A clean environment: Everyone has heard this, but it's so true. A clean living and working space helps free the mind. The best way I can explain this is with Autism. Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that- a spectrum. At one end of the spectrum is the severely autistic children, and at the other end is those with high functioning Asberger's. If you go further than that, you get ADHD, and then ADD, and then you eventually get to "normal", everyday people. Well guess what? A common symptom of ADD, ADHD, and Autism is that people with these "disorders" are highly affected by disorganized and cluttered environments. I personally think that is a sign of the fact that it's human nature to not be able to cope well mentally with a messy environment. Because we are ALL on the spectrum and are affected by many of the same, basic stimulants around us. Hopefully that makes sense and hopefully I haven't offended anyone, because in my experience with Austistic children, they really aren't a different "type" than the rest of the world, they just have different strengths and weaknesses than the Non-Autistic population.
3. Meditation: Visualizing, Listening to peaceful music, repeating an encouraging mantra, or whatever it is, it's important to take a few quiet moments for yourself every once and a while to just think or not think. My personal favorite way to meditate is by listening to beautiful instrumental music and dreaming about what my mutant powers would be. Or, just thinking about whatever positive thing I have to look forward to in life, my dreams, and the people I love.
4. Prayer and Temple Attendance, and Scripture Study: Developing that trusting relationship with God and reading His wise words along with the words of the prophets in history can be a great reminder of what this life is all about distract us from the troubles of the world we live in.
5. Nature: Being out in nature and seeing the beautiful things in the world is a great way to quiet the mind. You don't even have to think about it or meditate. Just go out somewhere with plants and dirt and sky and look around. The natural, beautiful design or the world brings peace to the senses.
6. Follow the Example of Uncle Iroh: Anyone watch Avatar: The Last Airbender? One of my favorite characters is the Uncle of Prince Zuko, and I realized why I admire him so much is because he makes the best of every situation he is in and doesn't fall apart when things go wrong. He still takes care of his health, is kind to those around him, and he knows who he is wan encourages other people to think through things calmly. I love that.
7. Express Yourself: Scrapbooking, Sports, Drawing, Dancing, Talking, Writing, Singing, whatever it is, just try to incorporate it into your life when you can. Include relationships in this. For me, it's makeup and creating my own accessories. Does it make you feel like you accomplished a little extra? Did it give you excercise? Did you bond with someone?
I'm not perfect at any of these, and it important to remember that you can't be unrealistic with yourself. I still want to learn more about meditation and quieting my mind, and hopefully I can share what I learn. But for now, I just hope I touched someone's heart today and helped them find a little more peace in their lives.
-Zen Proverb
Have you ever just let a problem go? Did it fix itself? Last year, I was in therapy for anxiety, and I learned a very important lesson about quieting the mind. When I had anxious thoughts, I worried about them so much and I just wanted to fix those anxious thoughts, banish them and never let them return. But the more I tried to reason with the anxious thoughts, the worse my anxiety became.
In therapy, I learned to just stop caring so much about it. Those worries and thoughts weren't helping me, so why should I pay attention to them? I just learned to let the worries come, and then let them be. I learned that I don't have control over everything, but I can control my reactions, and my reactions can influence my situation for the better. There is a great peace of mind that comes when you realize you don't have to control everything, you just have to trust yourself to make the best choice regarding your situation. And a big part of trusting yourself is accepting that you'll have worries, but you don't have to dwell on them.
My Faith and A Quiet Mind
Part of what gives me peace of mind is knowing that God is there for me, and knows I have great potential for good. Knowing how God feels about me helps me feel love for others, and helps me feel more peaceful about my future.
Part of that peace comes from following God's Commandments and the guidance of the Gospel and the Holy Ghost. I've learned that when I am doing the right things with my everyday life, I will have more peace during bigger life changes or decisions, because my spirit will be strong from it's diet of study, prayer, and faith. Just like when you eat a diet of healthy foods, your body craves things that are good for you. When you are trying to be good and honest and faithful every day, you yourself with be drawn to things that will be a positive influence in your life and you will be safe from influences that can harm you. Soon you learn to have an inner peace and trust yourself. It's something you must work on every day, but that's the great part about it. You can slowly grow and adjust and improve, and knowing that it's a step-by-step process gives me great peace.
Trusting God brings that peace to a whole new level. Knowing that he only brings things into your life for your good makes you realize that the difficult times you have won't last forever, and those hardships will bring you blessings and strength you couldn't receive otherwise. Tell yourself to trust God. It takes practice. Accept that you won't be perfect at it and you will give yourself room to keep improving.
“In quiet places, reason abounds.” -Adlai Stevenson
Are there practical applications to practice quieting the mind? Of course! With all I have discussed, there are real-life things you can do to strengthen your peace of mind so you can process your relationships,, problems, anxiety, or faith more efficiently. Here are some things I have tried or want to try.
1. Tai Chi: The only time I experienced Tai Chi was when I was 15 and attended a workshop about it at a Choir Camp I was enrolled in. There was something wonderful about just focusing on the energy you have inside yourself and around you, and thinking of nothing else. Moving so slow and quietly brought my senses to full attention and made my mind clear and focused. I am signed up in a Tai Chi class for fall semester, and hopefully my schedule will be kind enough to me so I won't have to drop it. I really look foward to learning more.
2. A clean environment: Everyone has heard this, but it's so true. A clean living and working space helps free the mind. The best way I can explain this is with Autism. Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that- a spectrum. At one end of the spectrum is the severely autistic children, and at the other end is those with high functioning Asberger's. If you go further than that, you get ADHD, and then ADD, and then you eventually get to "normal", everyday people. Well guess what? A common symptom of ADD, ADHD, and Autism is that people with these "disorders" are highly affected by disorganized and cluttered environments. I personally think that is a sign of the fact that it's human nature to not be able to cope well mentally with a messy environment. Because we are ALL on the spectrum and are affected by many of the same, basic stimulants around us. Hopefully that makes sense and hopefully I haven't offended anyone, because in my experience with Austistic children, they really aren't a different "type" than the rest of the world, they just have different strengths and weaknesses than the Non-Autistic population.
3. Meditation: Visualizing, Listening to peaceful music, repeating an encouraging mantra, or whatever it is, it's important to take a few quiet moments for yourself every once and a while to just think or not think. My personal favorite way to meditate is by listening to beautiful instrumental music and dreaming about what my mutant powers would be. Or, just thinking about whatever positive thing I have to look forward to in life, my dreams, and the people I love.
4. Prayer and Temple Attendance, and Scripture Study: Developing that trusting relationship with God and reading His wise words along with the words of the prophets in history can be a great reminder of what this life is all about distract us from the troubles of the world we live in.
5. Nature: Being out in nature and seeing the beautiful things in the world is a great way to quiet the mind. You don't even have to think about it or meditate. Just go out somewhere with plants and dirt and sky and look around. The natural, beautiful design or the world brings peace to the senses.
6. Follow the Example of Uncle Iroh: Anyone watch Avatar: The Last Airbender? One of my favorite characters is the Uncle of Prince Zuko, and I realized why I admire him so much is because he makes the best of every situation he is in and doesn't fall apart when things go wrong. He still takes care of his health, is kind to those around him, and he knows who he is wan encourages other people to think through things calmly. I love that.
7. Express Yourself: Scrapbooking, Sports, Drawing, Dancing, Talking, Writing, Singing, whatever it is, just try to incorporate it into your life when you can. Include relationships in this. For me, it's makeup and creating my own accessories. Does it make you feel like you accomplished a little extra? Did it give you excercise? Did you bond with someone?
I'm not perfect at any of these, and it important to remember that you can't be unrealistic with yourself. I still want to learn more about meditation and quieting my mind, and hopefully I can share what I learn. But for now, I just hope I touched someone's heart today and helped them find a little more peace in their lives.
A quiet mind Pt. 1
If I were to name anyone that has a quiet, peaceful mind in this world, I wouldn't point to myself. My mind is often racing and frantic, filled with worries and excuses and charts comparing pros and cons of every decision I have to make. However, lately I have have the ideas of developing the art of quieting the mind impressed upon me. Piece by piece, little lessons have been given me "Distilled as the dews from heaven", if you will) about why and how I should practice quieting my mind.
“Happiness means quiet nerves.”- W.C. Fields
I'm not going to say that a happy life is filled with quietness and peace. I do believe that every life is an adventure, and we must learn to embrace that. However, a balanced life with quiet moments will help us be better equipped with the ability to decide how happy we are. Here's an example:
I love to dance. Dance parties bring me a whole ton of joy. All that dancing just purges me of excess energy and emotion. After a good night out dancing, I love to turn on some quiet, orchestrated music and have a quiet conversation with a friend. When I am able to follow that type of routine, living with gusto and then giving myself time for sweet reflection or conversation, my mind feels balanced and i can truly grow from what I am experiencing. The more I grow, the more I am able to decide for myself how I will handle my emotions. I can decide I am happy.
Being Quiet in Relationships
In relationships, there are a couple different ways being quiet can help. One way is the quietness of acceptance. How many times do you see a parent or spouse being bothered by some little thing a family member does and they just HAVE to say something? Or what about when you feel hurt or wronged and you want to bounce back with a loud retort? Something in me recently has told me to stop that. I don't know how I learned it, but now when I want to nag a family member or tell someone off, I just stop myself and keep quiet. And it's been great. There are so many hurtful things I haven't said, because I just shut that little angry voice up and told myself that saying something negative wasn't going to change anything. Because it doesn't.
Just take a chance to accept things that aren't of urgent importance. If your friend is being insensitive, it is not your place to loudly disagree. Your place is to quietly stick to what you know is right, say kind words, and move on. Yes, sometimes we do need to stand up, fight back, etc. but sometimes just quietly moving on will get the point across.
Acceptance of your loved ones problems or flaws is a another part of being quiet in relationships. Remember, you can try to help, but you can't control or change a person. A soft, loving voice will help your children or spouse listen and change, not a loud, demanding voice. This concept of loving acceptance is one that social workers and therapists keep in their minds all the time to help them feel peace as they help others through their problems. Today I read about a woman's dramatic "Intervention meeting" held for her by her family, where they assertively expressed hurt and concern for her as she stayed in an abusive relationship. Instead of feeling loved and cared for, she felt like she needed to put up defenses against her family. What she needed was to be told that she was loved and accepted, bad decisions and all. If she had felt that quiet acceptance, she would probably be more willing to listen to the points her family was trying to make about her well-being.
Parents, children communicate their needs in many indirect ways, and it is up to parents to be quiet enough to pay attention to the cues their children give them. Perhaps your child is acting out because they are lacking in something they need, be it sleep, affection , or playtime. Or perhaps your child won't look up or they are talking less than usual. If you simplify and quiet your mind enough, you will be able to pay attention to these things and know that your children are in need of help and guidance.
Also, spending quiet time one-on-one with family members makes it easier to communicate needs and stresses.
Lastly, taking a moment to be quiet before a dealing with a relationship problem can help you clear you head and think about what you really need to say. This is something I am definitely not good at, but I am working on it. Often when I do this I realize how badly I need to humble myself and apologize, which then brings humility to the other party and everyone is happy.
“Happiness means quiet nerves.”- W.C. Fields
I'm not going to say that a happy life is filled with quietness and peace. I do believe that every life is an adventure, and we must learn to embrace that. However, a balanced life with quiet moments will help us be better equipped with the ability to decide how happy we are. Here's an example:
I love to dance. Dance parties bring me a whole ton of joy. All that dancing just purges me of excess energy and emotion. After a good night out dancing, I love to turn on some quiet, orchestrated music and have a quiet conversation with a friend. When I am able to follow that type of routine, living with gusto and then giving myself time for sweet reflection or conversation, my mind feels balanced and i can truly grow from what I am experiencing. The more I grow, the more I am able to decide for myself how I will handle my emotions. I can decide I am happy.
Being Quiet in Relationships
In relationships, there are a couple different ways being quiet can help. One way is the quietness of acceptance. How many times do you see a parent or spouse being bothered by some little thing a family member does and they just HAVE to say something? Or what about when you feel hurt or wronged and you want to bounce back with a loud retort? Something in me recently has told me to stop that. I don't know how I learned it, but now when I want to nag a family member or tell someone off, I just stop myself and keep quiet. And it's been great. There are so many hurtful things I haven't said, because I just shut that little angry voice up and told myself that saying something negative wasn't going to change anything. Because it doesn't.
Just take a chance to accept things that aren't of urgent importance. If your friend is being insensitive, it is not your place to loudly disagree. Your place is to quietly stick to what you know is right, say kind words, and move on. Yes, sometimes we do need to stand up, fight back, etc. but sometimes just quietly moving on will get the point across.
Acceptance of your loved ones problems or flaws is a another part of being quiet in relationships. Remember, you can try to help, but you can't control or change a person. A soft, loving voice will help your children or spouse listen and change, not a loud, demanding voice. This concept of loving acceptance is one that social workers and therapists keep in their minds all the time to help them feel peace as they help others through their problems. Today I read about a woman's dramatic "Intervention meeting" held for her by her family, where they assertively expressed hurt and concern for her as she stayed in an abusive relationship. Instead of feeling loved and cared for, she felt like she needed to put up defenses against her family. What she needed was to be told that she was loved and accepted, bad decisions and all. If she had felt that quiet acceptance, she would probably be more willing to listen to the points her family was trying to make about her well-being.
Parents, children communicate their needs in many indirect ways, and it is up to parents to be quiet enough to pay attention to the cues their children give them. Perhaps your child is acting out because they are lacking in something they need, be it sleep, affection , or playtime. Or perhaps your child won't look up or they are talking less than usual. If you simplify and quiet your mind enough, you will be able to pay attention to these things and know that your children are in need of help and guidance.
Also, spending quiet time one-on-one with family members makes it easier to communicate needs and stresses.
Lastly, taking a moment to be quiet before a dealing with a relationship problem can help you clear you head and think about what you really need to say. This is something I am definitely not good at, but I am working on it. Often when I do this I realize how badly I need to humble myself and apologize, which then brings humility to the other party and everyone is happy.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
What's happening
Maybe I should say what goes on in my life currently:
I have been having lots and lots of fun with makeup. As usual. This is my makeup for when we went to the renaissance faire. I was a fairy, of course. It was really fun to do this makeup, but it took FOREVER.
This is supposed to be Mrs. Fox from Fantastic Mr. Fox. I designed it for a contest held by Lime Crime, an incredible makeup brand. I can't afford their lipsticks, but the colors are pretty awesome.
I just started my internship at the Child and Family Support Center. So far all I have done is helped out in the Crisis/Respite Nursery, which has been fun. Time goes by so quick when you play with kids. However, I have a lot more going on with the internship than playing with kids. I will be helping teach 3 classes: Stepfamilies, Anger Management for 7-9 year olds, and a parenting class held at the prison. Plus I might be coming along to some home visits. Whoo! And with everything I do, I have to incorporate art into it.
Craig is going to school for the summer. Perspectives in folklore and Calculus. It's going to be a busy summer for both of us.
I am job hunting yet again. My job ended right at the end of the semester, in fact, I worked for 11 hours at commencement and graduation for my last day. It was a long day. An old man threw up a lot. The bathrooms were dirty. The usual.
Jobs are so hard to come by around here, and plenty of the jobs I come across are very temporary; they are either for the school year or for the summer. I guess that's how it is in a town that revolves everything around a university.
Overall, we are doing well. Right now, Craig and I decided that we are obsessed with Avatar: The Last Airbender. We watch it every chance we get. Not the movie though, just the tv show. We haven't seen the movie.
I'm a little stressed about the transition to summer, with a new schedule and new challenges. Don't worry though, it's still freezing. It is very un-summer-like. It won't get scalding hot for a couple more weeks.
Oh yeah, guess what? I made progress in my cooking abilities. I made Plum Ginger Chicken! It was delicious. Better than Panda Express, according to Craig.
And, I had my craft fair. I sold like, 4 things. I think I made $10. Sad. But it was fun and I traded the other vendors for lots of cute accessories. Plus I got experience right? I spearheaded the whole event! That's pretty cool; someday that experience will pay off.
Lastly, I teach the Nursery at church. All that studying of infant development this past semester is being put to good use.
I have been having lots and lots of fun with makeup. As usual. This is my makeup for when we went to the renaissance faire. I was a fairy, of course. It was really fun to do this makeup, but it took FOREVER.
This is supposed to be Mrs. Fox from Fantastic Mr. Fox. I designed it for a contest held by Lime Crime, an incredible makeup brand. I can't afford their lipsticks, but the colors are pretty awesome.Craig is going to school for the summer. Perspectives in folklore and Calculus. It's going to be a busy summer for both of us.
I am job hunting yet again. My job ended right at the end of the semester, in fact, I worked for 11 hours at commencement and graduation for my last day. It was a long day. An old man threw up a lot. The bathrooms were dirty. The usual.
Jobs are so hard to come by around here, and plenty of the jobs I come across are very temporary; they are either for the school year or for the summer. I guess that's how it is in a town that revolves everything around a university.
Overall, we are doing well. Right now, Craig and I decided that we are obsessed with Avatar: The Last Airbender. We watch it every chance we get. Not the movie though, just the tv show. We haven't seen the movie.
I'm a little stressed about the transition to summer, with a new schedule and new challenges. Don't worry though, it's still freezing. It is very un-summer-like. It won't get scalding hot for a couple more weeks.
Oh yeah, guess what? I made progress in my cooking abilities. I made Plum Ginger Chicken! It was delicious. Better than Panda Express, according to Craig.
And, I had my craft fair. I sold like, 4 things. I think I made $10. Sad. But it was fun and I traded the other vendors for lots of cute accessories. Plus I got experience right? I spearheaded the whole event! That's pretty cool; someday that experience will pay off.
Lastly, I teach the Nursery at church. All that studying of infant development this past semester is being put to good use.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Disasters
When I was engaged last year, my life became a whirlwhind of stress, anger, and disaster.
There was a lot of fun, excitment, and joy too.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."-I guess that's a good way to put it.
So, for your entertainment, I am going to tell you all the crazy and bad things that happened before I made the biggest jump of my life thus far.
6 months before: Started having bad enough anxiety that I stopped denying the fact that I needed therapy. Way bad anxiety.
Also, started living with a strange roommate. Tension in the apartment skyrockets.
2 1/2 months before: Get strep throat literally hours after taking engagment photos. Which was during spring break.
1 month before: Depressive symptoms start kicking in as side effect from birth control. I didn't know it at the time, but looking back, I turned into a whole different person.
Also, sick again with a super bad cold.
2 weeks before: Seamstress messes up sizing on my dress, and this fact isn't realized until it's too late. Also, strange yellowed areas are found on the skirt of my dress. Yikes.
Best friend holds bridal shower for me and I somehow miss the detail that the shower is at my parents house until 15 minutes before said shower. House is a mess. I have to clean it.
1 week before: Still sick, and still trying to get dress figured out. During the past month, I am more stressed than ever before, and my mom and I pretty much hate each other. And I am not even going to go into the whole "Crap I need a job and don't have time to look!" thing.
Day of: I wake up, start to put on wedding breakfast outfit, and the zipper of my dress destroys itself. All of my other clothes are moved into my new apartment, which is 1 1/2 hours away from my parents house. None of my sisters are even close to my size. So, we go to Target.
Wedding breakfast makes me feel sick. But it's not too bad.
Craig's family tells strange and embarrasing stories about him, and because of my elevated state of anxiety all rational thought leaves me and I spend about the next half hour convinced I am marrying someone with major psychological problems.
On the way to the temple, it rains.
And then, we get into the temple. It's so beautiful and calm. Craig and I sit in the temple, talking, for about half an hour before our wedding ceremony. We talk about our dreams and how we want our life and home to be. We both can't stop smiling and crying as we sit together thinking about our life together and how much we love each other. We look at the beautiful paintings on the walls, and the beautiful flowers that are all over the place. And we both know that in that moment, we are just inches away from heaven.
I don't remember much of the ceremony, just that it was simple and beautiful. But sometimes Craig and I still get to experience those little moments of being inches from heaven, both at the temple and at home. He is such a blessing in my life.
Was being engaged the most difficult 6 months of my life? You betcha. Did I feel horrible, lonely, and anxious the whole time? Almost.
Do I feel better now? More than you can know!
Sometimes, when we are about to do something really amazingly good for our lives and the lives of others, lots of bad things happen to us. Call if what you will...adversity, satan, temptation...
But once we get through it, our lives will be so much more wonderful. My life is far from perfect, but being married to Craig makes it so much better than it was before.
You just can't be afraid. You have to push through the difficulties until you've completed your goal. You just have to trust yourself and God.
Oh, and the dress did end up working out, just so you know.
There was a lot of fun, excitment, and joy too.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."-I guess that's a good way to put it.
So, for your entertainment, I am going to tell you all the crazy and bad things that happened before I made the biggest jump of my life thus far.
6 months before: Started having bad enough anxiety that I stopped denying the fact that I needed therapy. Way bad anxiety.
Also, started living with a strange roommate. Tension in the apartment skyrockets.
2 1/2 months before: Get strep throat literally hours after taking engagment photos. Which was during spring break.
1 month before: Depressive symptoms start kicking in as side effect from birth control. I didn't know it at the time, but looking back, I turned into a whole different person.
Also, sick again with a super bad cold.
2 weeks before: Seamstress messes up sizing on my dress, and this fact isn't realized until it's too late. Also, strange yellowed areas are found on the skirt of my dress. Yikes.
Best friend holds bridal shower for me and I somehow miss the detail that the shower is at my parents house until 15 minutes before said shower. House is a mess. I have to clean it.
1 week before: Still sick, and still trying to get dress figured out. During the past month, I am more stressed than ever before, and my mom and I pretty much hate each other. And I am not even going to go into the whole "Crap I need a job and don't have time to look!" thing.
Day of: I wake up, start to put on wedding breakfast outfit, and the zipper of my dress destroys itself. All of my other clothes are moved into my new apartment, which is 1 1/2 hours away from my parents house. None of my sisters are even close to my size. So, we go to Target.
Wedding breakfast makes me feel sick. But it's not too bad.
Craig's family tells strange and embarrasing stories about him, and because of my elevated state of anxiety all rational thought leaves me and I spend about the next half hour convinced I am marrying someone with major psychological problems.
On the way to the temple, it rains.
And then, we get into the temple. It's so beautiful and calm. Craig and I sit in the temple, talking, for about half an hour before our wedding ceremony. We talk about our dreams and how we want our life and home to be. We both can't stop smiling and crying as we sit together thinking about our life together and how much we love each other. We look at the beautiful paintings on the walls, and the beautiful flowers that are all over the place. And we both know that in that moment, we are just inches away from heaven.
I don't remember much of the ceremony, just that it was simple and beautiful. But sometimes Craig and I still get to experience those little moments of being inches from heaven, both at the temple and at home. He is such a blessing in my life.
Was being engaged the most difficult 6 months of my life? You betcha. Did I feel horrible, lonely, and anxious the whole time? Almost.
Do I feel better now? More than you can know!
Sometimes, when we are about to do something really amazingly good for our lives and the lives of others, lots of bad things happen to us. Call if what you will...adversity, satan, temptation...
But once we get through it, our lives will be so much more wonderful. My life is far from perfect, but being married to Craig makes it so much better than it was before.
You just can't be afraid. You have to push through the difficulties until you've completed your goal. You just have to trust yourself and God.
Oh, and the dress did end up working out, just so you know.
Friday, April 8, 2011
A little glance into my adolescent life
Adolescence is a very fascinating time to be alive. Right now, taking a class on adolescent development has been such a great little reminder of all the "fun" times I had. Today we talked about achievement and motivation in adolescence...and I was reminded of this experience.
When I was 13, I was highly involved with a group of homeschooled students (if you didn't know already, yes, I was homeschooled) that overlapped in extra-curricular activities. We were involved in a club called "Minutemen" (learning about government, money management, and politics), a book club (I know, classic homeschool..) and a learning co-op that covered several non-core subjects each week.
Well, there was this one girl in all of these groups that was my age. She was a golden child. A high achiever. She was not only smart, but popular, among both peers and adults.
This girl was classy. She wore nice, button-up shirts, jeans, and necklaces. She had an oh-so-grownup layered hair cut that was brushed neatly and straight every day. She was skinny and tall. I remember one time we had a pizza party to celebrate a great run with the "Mock Trial" competition we had participated in. She was the center of attention. She got compliments on the ither girls for her long, slender torso and her cute clothes. Really, she didn't look like she was 13. I think she could have passed for 16. At that party, I stood there awkwardly, thinking, "But wait! I have a long torso and I am not getting any compliments!!"
Ok, so she looked classy. But she was also smart. One time we had a history project where we had to write a diary entry as if we were gorwing up in the 1700's. I wrote a one-page entry about, I dunno, milking cows or something. Her entry was probably 3 pages long. It took her like 10 minutes to read it in front of the group. It was rich with detail and historically accurate events. She also seemed to pay attention really well in long lectures (which the minutmen class was full of) and always took notes.
All the grownups loved her because she was so studious and answered questions without stumbling. She also behaved well and knew when to listen and when to talk. To an adult, she was the goal of what a homeschooled child should be. And she treated me like I was 5 years younger than her.
Then there was me. I was short. And definitely chubby. At 13, I was experiementing with fashion a lot, but I basically wore a lot of purple and wierd hair clips. my hair was a scraggly mess that I thought I could put into a decent bun. And the bangs...ohhh boy. They were thin (because thick, straight across bangs werent cool anymore) and the thiness resulted in stringiness hanging limp above my eyes. Then, I let long strands of hair hang by either side of my face because it surely would make me look like an anime character.
Brain-wise, my lightbulb was a little..flickery. I had a hard time paying attention in lectures, and drew flowers and animals I had invented all over my notes. I was conscious that the world around me was my "audience", and so I behaved in a theatrical way. I wasn't confident, and I probably annoyed most adults I cam in contact with. A lot of the time, I felt awkward around the other kids and played with my younger sister's friends or any available animals. All in all, I was *wiggles fingers* different.
But I had fun. When our co-op went to the park, I excitedly went straight for the playground and played in my own little world. She was resonsible and helped the babies play. That was an awesome playground, by the way. Though I was self-conscious, all those little drawings and daydreams I had during lectures everntually developed into a rich network of inspirations for design..something practical I can use for design now. I know how to interact with children without being condescending, because I can now relate to that feeling. I'm still awkward sometimes, but now I know that everyone feels that way, and you are much happier when you just embrace it.
If I would have just tried to fit in and be like her, I would have been bored out of my mind.
When I was 13, I was highly involved with a group of homeschooled students (if you didn't know already, yes, I was homeschooled) that overlapped in extra-curricular activities. We were involved in a club called "Minutemen" (learning about government, money management, and politics), a book club (I know, classic homeschool..) and a learning co-op that covered several non-core subjects each week.
Well, there was this one girl in all of these groups that was my age. She was a golden child. A high achiever. She was not only smart, but popular, among both peers and adults.
This girl was classy. She wore nice, button-up shirts, jeans, and necklaces. She had an oh-so-grownup layered hair cut that was brushed neatly and straight every day. She was skinny and tall. I remember one time we had a pizza party to celebrate a great run with the "Mock Trial" competition we had participated in. She was the center of attention. She got compliments on the ither girls for her long, slender torso and her cute clothes. Really, she didn't look like she was 13. I think she could have passed for 16. At that party, I stood there awkwardly, thinking, "But wait! I have a long torso and I am not getting any compliments!!"
Ok, so she looked classy. But she was also smart. One time we had a history project where we had to write a diary entry as if we were gorwing up in the 1700's. I wrote a one-page entry about, I dunno, milking cows or something. Her entry was probably 3 pages long. It took her like 10 minutes to read it in front of the group. It was rich with detail and historically accurate events. She also seemed to pay attention really well in long lectures (which the minutmen class was full of) and always took notes.
All the grownups loved her because she was so studious and answered questions without stumbling. She also behaved well and knew when to listen and when to talk. To an adult, she was the goal of what a homeschooled child should be. And she treated me like I was 5 years younger than her.
Then there was me. I was short. And definitely chubby. At 13, I was experiementing with fashion a lot, but I basically wore a lot of purple and wierd hair clips. my hair was a scraggly mess that I thought I could put into a decent bun. And the bangs...ohhh boy. They were thin (because thick, straight across bangs werent cool anymore) and the thiness resulted in stringiness hanging limp above my eyes. Then, I let long strands of hair hang by either side of my face because it surely would make me look like an anime character.
Brain-wise, my lightbulb was a little..flickery. I had a hard time paying attention in lectures, and drew flowers and animals I had invented all over my notes. I was conscious that the world around me was my "audience", and so I behaved in a theatrical way. I wasn't confident, and I probably annoyed most adults I cam in contact with. A lot of the time, I felt awkward around the other kids and played with my younger sister's friends or any available animals. All in all, I was *wiggles fingers* different.
But I had fun. When our co-op went to the park, I excitedly went straight for the playground and played in my own little world. She was resonsible and helped the babies play. That was an awesome playground, by the way. Though I was self-conscious, all those little drawings and daydreams I had during lectures everntually developed into a rich network of inspirations for design..something practical I can use for design now. I know how to interact with children without being condescending, because I can now relate to that feeling. I'm still awkward sometimes, but now I know that everyone feels that way, and you are much happier when you just embrace it.
If I would have just tried to fit in and be like her, I would have been bored out of my mind.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Cooking
If you know me, you know that I love food. I eat like a bear getting ready to hibernate. In fact, the colder the weather, the more bear-like I become in my eating habits.
Since starting college, that hunger has probably quadrupled. I snack in almost all of my classes...learning just makes me so completely hungry! Part of the reason I snack is to keep me awake. Because when it is cold and dark during an 8:30 am class, sleep is pretty much unavaiodable for me, even if I got plenty of sleep the night before. Like a said, I am pretty much a bear. It's amazing that I am not overweight.
Despite my ravenous hunger, I have very little ability to cook. In fact, I pretty much got last place in the gene pool when it comes to cooking. Most of my six sisters can cook pretty well. A couple of them are amazing cooks, and one of them even makes up her own healthy and delicous recipes. They seem to find some kind of satisfaction and joy in cooking. I just find joy in watching cooking shows. I mean, come on, I've messed up Easy Mac. Reading recipes confuses me.
My husband, Craig, does most of the cooking around our apartment. Lucky for me, he inherited a vast amount of great cooking genes from both sides of his family. His grandma on his mom's side makes some of the best foods I have ever had-such as the amazing quiche I devoured last time I visited. His dad and is brother are barbeque experts, not to mention great at making almost anything else. His mom makes perfect fajitas and roast. So Craig is very talented. I never liked oatmeal until he made some. Almost everything he makes is perfect and amazing.
However, because we can't afford to keep our freezer stocked with things like microwave burritos and tv dinners, I have to cook to survive every once and a while.
Here are some improvements I have made since getting married:
-Today, I made 2 lovely over-easy eggs without ruining them for the first time. These eggs have rendered me to tears before, but today they didn't burn, stick to the pan, or break.
-I now remember to put the pasta in the water AFTER the water reaches a boil.
-I made mashed potatoes from scratch and they were actually good.
-I also made steak a couple times. I hate using the stove though. I almost always burn myself when cooking over the stove...
Well, that's about it. In my defense, I can make amazing chocolate chip cookies, and my from-scratch pasta sauce is pretty good too.
Since starting college, that hunger has probably quadrupled. I snack in almost all of my classes...learning just makes me so completely hungry! Part of the reason I snack is to keep me awake. Because when it is cold and dark during an 8:30 am class, sleep is pretty much unavaiodable for me, even if I got plenty of sleep the night before. Like a said, I am pretty much a bear. It's amazing that I am not overweight.
Despite my ravenous hunger, I have very little ability to cook. In fact, I pretty much got last place in the gene pool when it comes to cooking. Most of my six sisters can cook pretty well. A couple of them are amazing cooks, and one of them even makes up her own healthy and delicous recipes. They seem to find some kind of satisfaction and joy in cooking. I just find joy in watching cooking shows. I mean, come on, I've messed up Easy Mac. Reading recipes confuses me.
My husband, Craig, does most of the cooking around our apartment. Lucky for me, he inherited a vast amount of great cooking genes from both sides of his family. His grandma on his mom's side makes some of the best foods I have ever had-such as the amazing quiche I devoured last time I visited. His dad and is brother are barbeque experts, not to mention great at making almost anything else. His mom makes perfect fajitas and roast. So Craig is very talented. I never liked oatmeal until he made some. Almost everything he makes is perfect and amazing.
However, because we can't afford to keep our freezer stocked with things like microwave burritos and tv dinners, I have to cook to survive every once and a while.
Here are some improvements I have made since getting married:
-Today, I made 2 lovely over-easy eggs without ruining them for the first time. These eggs have rendered me to tears before, but today they didn't burn, stick to the pan, or break.
-I now remember to put the pasta in the water AFTER the water reaches a boil.
-I made mashed potatoes from scratch and they were actually good.
-I also made steak a couple times. I hate using the stove though. I almost always burn myself when cooking over the stove...
Well, that's about it. In my defense, I can make amazing chocolate chip cookies, and my from-scratch pasta sauce is pretty good too.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Moving forward
Life just keeps moving forward. It's pretty great.
I changed my major to Interdisciplinary Studies. My two areas of focus are art and child development. I think I am going to be able to graduate next spring!!! :) Finally!
After that I plan on studying Aesthetics, so I can take care of people's skin and put makeup on them. I just want to design accessories and put makeup on people forever.
I have actually wrestled with my career dreams a lot. Am I shallow for just wanting to create things that make people look good? Should I be more concerned with changing the world than creating frivilous products for women?
But I have loved makeup and accessories ever since I can remember. I was one of those kids that stole thier mom's makeup as often as possible just to experiment and play with it.
I figure if this is what I really love, then somehow I will help many people with it. Besides, many people don't make the world a better place just from thier career or thier academics. It's what they do for thier family and friends, and anyone else they serve with kindness, that matters. It's the example they set of honesty and sincerity that is an influence for good.
I have some great role models in the world of makeup. Michelle Phan, of course, Doe Deere, owner of Lime Crime cosmetics, and the inspiring Kandee Johnson. Check them out to see why.
In other news:
I am taking Ceramics this semester. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I am starting to get the hang of it. I can't wait to take home my new treasures after the semester ends. I wish i could make much more to give away, but it's pretty time consuming and i am a little behind in class already. I am hoping that once we learn the wheel, I can churn out a few bowls or cups to give to friends and family.
I am also taking a class on Infancy and Early Childhood development, and I get to play with little toddlers and babies in a "lab" (like a preschool but they only come for an hour every day). These kids are so sweet! I enjoy talking to them and helping them learn and play.
Remember how last spring semester I was super healthy and felt great? Well, I have fallen a little behind. Which is sad, because I kept that healthy living going through the summer and fall. But I am starting to get back on top of my health again. It's just hard when it's SOOOOO cold. It makes me want to eat tons of chocolate and mashed potatoes and gravy and watch tv under a blanket all day. Plus when I am busy with school, I am excessively hungry. Since starting college 3 years ago, I've gotten so hungry! Yesterday, I decided that if I was some type royalty/diety that people worshipped, they would probably address me by "Oh hungry one" or "your hungryness."
Craig is great, as usual. We are super excited to go to a valentine's dance tomorrow...it'll be our first time dancing since December (when we held a cultural dance party). I'm pretty sure Craig spoils me. Honestly, I feel like my whole family does, his side and mine. I am so blessed to have such great people that love me and laugh at my very strange sense of humor.
Humor is another thing that has taken a prominent role in my life lately. Craig and I are pretty much addicted to Saturday Night Live right now, and besides that we just love to laugh. My favorite hobby lately is trying to see how hard I can make Craig laugh. I feel like I had forgotten how to really laugh and be funny last year and being married to Craig has completely changed that.
One of our neighbors introduced us to Adventure Time, which is probably one of the funniest cartoons I have EVER watched. Just thinking about it makes my brain send shiny beams of humor out of my head.
:D Don't let go of the happy times friends...remember the best you've been, and the person you want to be.
I changed my major to Interdisciplinary Studies. My two areas of focus are art and child development. I think I am going to be able to graduate next spring!!! :) Finally!
After that I plan on studying Aesthetics, so I can take care of people's skin and put makeup on them. I just want to design accessories and put makeup on people forever.
I have actually wrestled with my career dreams a lot. Am I shallow for just wanting to create things that make people look good? Should I be more concerned with changing the world than creating frivilous products for women?
But I have loved makeup and accessories ever since I can remember. I was one of those kids that stole thier mom's makeup as often as possible just to experiment and play with it.
I figure if this is what I really love, then somehow I will help many people with it. Besides, many people don't make the world a better place just from thier career or thier academics. It's what they do for thier family and friends, and anyone else they serve with kindness, that matters. It's the example they set of honesty and sincerity that is an influence for good.
I have some great role models in the world of makeup. Michelle Phan, of course, Doe Deere, owner of Lime Crime cosmetics, and the inspiring Kandee Johnson. Check them out to see why.
In other news:
I am taking Ceramics this semester. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I am starting to get the hang of it. I can't wait to take home my new treasures after the semester ends. I wish i could make much more to give away, but it's pretty time consuming and i am a little behind in class already. I am hoping that once we learn the wheel, I can churn out a few bowls or cups to give to friends and family.
I am also taking a class on Infancy and Early Childhood development, and I get to play with little toddlers and babies in a "lab" (like a preschool but they only come for an hour every day). These kids are so sweet! I enjoy talking to them and helping them learn and play.
Remember how last spring semester I was super healthy and felt great? Well, I have fallen a little behind. Which is sad, because I kept that healthy living going through the summer and fall. But I am starting to get back on top of my health again. It's just hard when it's SOOOOO cold. It makes me want to eat tons of chocolate and mashed potatoes and gravy and watch tv under a blanket all day. Plus when I am busy with school, I am excessively hungry. Since starting college 3 years ago, I've gotten so hungry! Yesterday, I decided that if I was some type royalty/diety that people worshipped, they would probably address me by "Oh hungry one" or "your hungryness."
Craig is great, as usual. We are super excited to go to a valentine's dance tomorrow...it'll be our first time dancing since December (when we held a cultural dance party). I'm pretty sure Craig spoils me. Honestly, I feel like my whole family does, his side and mine. I am so blessed to have such great people that love me and laugh at my very strange sense of humor.
Humor is another thing that has taken a prominent role in my life lately. Craig and I are pretty much addicted to Saturday Night Live right now, and besides that we just love to laugh. My favorite hobby lately is trying to see how hard I can make Craig laugh. I feel like I had forgotten how to really laugh and be funny last year and being married to Craig has completely changed that.
One of our neighbors introduced us to Adventure Time, which is probably one of the funniest cartoons I have EVER watched. Just thinking about it makes my brain send shiny beams of humor out of my head.
:D Don't let go of the happy times friends...remember the best you've been, and the person you want to be.
Monday, January 17, 2011
different.
"You're just a little...different. But there's something kind of fantastic about that." -Fantastic Mr Fox
I like being different. Many people do. And recently, I have realized that I have changed a lot since I got married 7 months ago. Most people do. Which is pretty fantastic.
How I have changed in:
My Style-I guess you could say my style has become more "grown-up", but that doesn't mean it has calmed down at all. I still like to have tons of fun with color and accessories. In fact, my sense of style has probably broadened since I got married. I think it's because I care even less about what people think, now that I don't have to keep my options open for a suitor. Let's just say you probably won't see me running around in khaki pants and a polo or button-down-solid/striped preppy shirt anytime soon unless required by an employer.
This gypsy costume is closer to my everyday style than...Khakis and Polos.
I hate doing my hair even more now than before. Every year I seem to care less and less about using a curling iron or straightener. Here's the thing: a couple years ago I discovered that in all Marc Jacobs ads, the girls had a very product-free looking bed-head wave hairstyle, which I can pretty much replicate if I just sleep on my hair wet and then not do anything with it in the morning. That's what I did all last summer, when my hair was long. But sadly, right now it's shoulder length, and I don't know what to do with it.
Also, I have mastered the perfect cat-eye eyeliner look.
I love Saturday Night Live now. Also, I actually take an effort to search out new and interesting music for myself. I used to kinda just stick to my staples unless a friend was "kind" enough to force me to get into some other bands. Still don't like when people try to get me to try their music and talk it up a ton. Because...then we don't talk and just end up listening to segments of songs and my attention span goes out the window.
Personality:
I like dogs more now. I liked dogs before, but now I just love dogs. Even the little snooty ones. (Except mini poodles and chiuauas.) I think Craig passed this trait on to me.
I miss these little cuties so much!!! Every time I go to "The Burrow" (code for my parent's house) these little faces excitedly greet me and my heart explodes with furry, vanilla-frosting joy. Miss Stacy (the one in the top photo) is my soul sister. If she was human, I know she would be hanging out with me and my best girls Kim and Miche all the time and we'd buy vintage clothes together. P.S. I was going to include a photo of the new dog, corduroy, but accidentally deleted it from the post :( and I am sick of uploading photos.
I am quieter. I am often at a loss of what to say, and I like listening more now too. I also like to be home more now. Don't be fooled, I still have to get out and socialize in order to keep my sanity, but it's great to sit around at home with Craig and watch movies and make accessories. By the way, I make waayyy cuter accessories now than before I got married.
I liked spending time with family before, but I really really like it now. Craig's family included. My family is just so darn funny, and no one even knows it! I have these awesome grandparents (that really do feel like more than in-laws) and all my sisters are even more fun than ever. I mean look at us all dressed up for Harry Potter:
This is us in age order.
This is us in age order.
This is us in height order. Awesome.
Lastly, I like babies more. I used to be scared of interacting with babies; I was super scared I would make them cry really loud somehow and their mothers would disown me as a friend. But Craig and I have this niece who is pretty much adorable. She has won me over to the "I think babies are pretty darn cute club."
This is me with Carlie. She's so cute!
And here's a bonus picture of Craig and I in a cuddle puddle with the dogs.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
classes and other things
Well, I just had my first week of the new semester. I am taking Infancy, Adolescence, Abuse and Neglect, and Ceramics. I acturall like all my classes and teachers so far this semester. I've already had classes from 2 of them, so I kind of know what to expect. I also have at least one friend in each class, so that makes it much more enjoyable. It's definitely nice when you get further in a major because you start to have classes with all the same people. Lucky for me, FCHD majors are usually very down to earth. Well, ok. You would have to be pretty down to earth to be succesful in the home and family field. In a couple weeks I will be starting infant lab, which is basically where I get to teach and play with cute little 2-yr.-olds for a couple hours every tuesday. I think it's going to be a great experience.
I love ceramics. I have always wanted to take a ceramics class, ever since I started college, so this is great. It feels good to sit there and create. I create a lot at home too; making all sorts of accessories, but ceramics is nice because it involves a lot of repetitive motion and a totally different kind of mindset.
As usual, work keeps me busy. I feel like I am getting pretty good at this whole janitorial thing. I walk much much faster now and I have actually become much stronger. I have plenty of gross toilet stories I could share, but I won't.
The Escapist (My alter ego if you don't know) hasn't been let out to play much lately, and I was starting to go crazy. Although we did throw a cultural dance party in December, and that was great, I worried a llittle too much about being a good hostess to really loosen up. You may ask what a cultural dance party is. Well, it basically where you dance to music from other countries and cultures than your own. Pretty straightforward.
Anyway, last night I finally let the escapist have some time. I basically set aside somedaydreaming time where I just listend to movie soundtracks and let my mind wander. It was great. The best daydream by far was where I was learning how to use my magical powers from a gryffon, and we found out Craig had the ability to talk to and understand animals. It was awesome.
So yeah. I feel pretty good about life right now.
I love ceramics. I have always wanted to take a ceramics class, ever since I started college, so this is great. It feels good to sit there and create. I create a lot at home too; making all sorts of accessories, but ceramics is nice because it involves a lot of repetitive motion and a totally different kind of mindset.
As usual, work keeps me busy. I feel like I am getting pretty good at this whole janitorial thing. I walk much much faster now and I have actually become much stronger. I have plenty of gross toilet stories I could share, but I won't.
The Escapist (My alter ego if you don't know) hasn't been let out to play much lately, and I was starting to go crazy. Although we did throw a cultural dance party in December, and that was great, I worried a llittle too much about being a good hostess to really loosen up. You may ask what a cultural dance party is. Well, it basically where you dance to music from other countries and cultures than your own. Pretty straightforward.
Anyway, last night I finally let the escapist have some time. I basically set aside somedaydreaming time where I just listend to movie soundtracks and let my mind wander. It was great. The best daydream by far was where I was learning how to use my magical powers from a gryffon, and we found out Craig had the ability to talk to and understand animals. It was awesome.
So yeah. I feel pretty good about life right now.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A few goals.
It's kind of fun to make new years resolutions:
1. Clean the bathroom once a week. This includes scrubbing the toilet, cleaning the mirror, counter, and sink, mopping and sweeping, and spraying down the shower with shower cleaner.
2. Try a new makeup look once a week. I got this idea from Michelle Phan..it's actually one of her resolutions. It can get so easy to be stuck in a rut and un-creative.
3. Actually pay attention when Craig and I read scriptures together. This means taking turns and each of us saying an insight afterwards.
4. Do dishes every time I eat. Seriously!
Well, that's a pretty good list. Wanna know a secret to actually accomplishing goals? Keep them simple and specific and use numbers.
A bad example of a goal: Pick more stuff off my floor.
A good example of a goal: Put away 20 things off of my floor each night before going to bed.
Hope that helps.
1. Clean the bathroom once a week. This includes scrubbing the toilet, cleaning the mirror, counter, and sink, mopping and sweeping, and spraying down the shower with shower cleaner.
2. Try a new makeup look once a week. I got this idea from Michelle Phan..it's actually one of her resolutions. It can get so easy to be stuck in a rut and un-creative.
3. Actually pay attention when Craig and I read scriptures together. This means taking turns and each of us saying an insight afterwards.
4. Do dishes every time I eat. Seriously!
Well, that's a pretty good list. Wanna know a secret to actually accomplishing goals? Keep them simple and specific and use numbers.
A bad example of a goal: Pick more stuff off my floor.
A good example of a goal: Put away 20 things off of my floor each night before going to bed.
Hope that helps.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
a year of intense dynamics
Winter was forte.
The Good: I walked to school almost every day, instead of taking the bus. I also excercised regularly. I felt so strong. I also had an exciting group of friends in my apartment complex, and made tones of memories. I had the coolest dance party ever at my apartment. I took a nutrition class that made a huge impact on me. I relied a lot on my IWA sisters for support.
The Bad: Pressures of engagment-not my favorite thing. Being far away from Craig-REALLY not my favorite thing. Also, I was the "mom" of an FHE group that dragged thier feet.
Spring was fortissimo.
The Good: I got married! Along with that came many exciting things such as getting engagments taken, shopping for wedding accessories, and bridal showers (which were the best). One thing I especially enjoyed was getting our stuff moved into our apartment in the weeks before the wedding. The wedding day on June 1st was the peak of the crescendo.
Other non-wedding related good stuff: Hosted an interpretive dance party, did a really fun promotion with Wii Fit Plus, (Wii promotions are always the best!) and a really fun craft fair.
The Bad: I got strep throat for the first time. Basically there was just too much stress with the wedding. So stressful.
Summer was piano.
The good: Obviously, the best part of this summer was getting to see Craig every day. He taught me how to play frisbee, we got to go grocery shopping together ( I still love grocery shopping with him. Every time.) We went to the park at night to talk and play frisbee almost every day. Of course, we went to Salt Lake almost every weekend to see family and friends and we had some pretty good times playing around in Salt Lake. We also went hiking a few times too.
The Bad: I was very sick and tired the whole summer. I think all the stress from the wedding finally manisfested itself in it's true form of fatigue and sickness. My birth control also took a toll on me as I didn't know that a possible side effect was chronic depression. I had never been depressed before, so I barely even knew how to recognize it. On top of that, I spent most of the summer desperately job hunting while craig was gone all day at work. Job hunting+depression+being alone most of the day=BAD BAD BAD
Fall was mezzo piano.
The Good: I made new friends in my ward and classes, I got a great job, and after a lot of struggling, made some decisions with my schooling that I feel good about. I went and halped out at the Sleepy Millcreek Hollow faire-a halloween faire with a haunted trail and arts and craft booths. Craig and I also hosted halloween parties for our families, as well as a cultural dance party in december. I worked a promotion at the mall Thanksgiving night, after which a shopped and found some great deals. Also, I was called as a chior member and a relief society meeting coordinator in my ward. I planned a really fun skincare workshop that confirmed how much I would love to be an esthetician.
The Bad: Half my classes seemed pointless to me and one particular class was full of horrible readings, assigments, and quizzes that really were pointless. I also feel like most of my friends from last year don't want to talk to me anymore because I am married. I know that's a pretty natural thing that happens to many people, but it was dissapointing for me, especially since I really haven't changed much since getting married.
What I learned this year: Sometimes the answers to problems are incredibly simple. Life doesn't have to be a huge fancy effort to be wonderful. Most of the time natural and simple is better.
The Good: I walked to school almost every day, instead of taking the bus. I also excercised regularly. I felt so strong. I also had an exciting group of friends in my apartment complex, and made tones of memories. I had the coolest dance party ever at my apartment. I took a nutrition class that made a huge impact on me. I relied a lot on my IWA sisters for support.
The Bad: Pressures of engagment-not my favorite thing. Being far away from Craig-REALLY not my favorite thing. Also, I was the "mom" of an FHE group that dragged thier feet.
Spring was fortissimo.
The Good: I got married! Along with that came many exciting things such as getting engagments taken, shopping for wedding accessories, and bridal showers (which were the best). One thing I especially enjoyed was getting our stuff moved into our apartment in the weeks before the wedding. The wedding day on June 1st was the peak of the crescendo.
Other non-wedding related good stuff: Hosted an interpretive dance party, did a really fun promotion with Wii Fit Plus, (Wii promotions are always the best!) and a really fun craft fair.
The Bad: I got strep throat for the first time. Basically there was just too much stress with the wedding. So stressful.
Summer was piano.
The good: Obviously, the best part of this summer was getting to see Craig every day. He taught me how to play frisbee, we got to go grocery shopping together ( I still love grocery shopping with him. Every time.) We went to the park at night to talk and play frisbee almost every day. Of course, we went to Salt Lake almost every weekend to see family and friends and we had some pretty good times playing around in Salt Lake. We also went hiking a few times too.
The Bad: I was very sick and tired the whole summer. I think all the stress from the wedding finally manisfested itself in it's true form of fatigue and sickness. My birth control also took a toll on me as I didn't know that a possible side effect was chronic depression. I had never been depressed before, so I barely even knew how to recognize it. On top of that, I spent most of the summer desperately job hunting while craig was gone all day at work. Job hunting+depression+being alone most of the day=BAD BAD BAD
Fall was mezzo piano.
The Good: I made new friends in my ward and classes, I got a great job, and after a lot of struggling, made some decisions with my schooling that I feel good about. I went and halped out at the Sleepy Millcreek Hollow faire-a halloween faire with a haunted trail and arts and craft booths. Craig and I also hosted halloween parties for our families, as well as a cultural dance party in december. I worked a promotion at the mall Thanksgiving night, after which a shopped and found some great deals. Also, I was called as a chior member and a relief society meeting coordinator in my ward. I planned a really fun skincare workshop that confirmed how much I would love to be an esthetician.
The Bad: Half my classes seemed pointless to me and one particular class was full of horrible readings, assigments, and quizzes that really were pointless. I also feel like most of my friends from last year don't want to talk to me anymore because I am married. I know that's a pretty natural thing that happens to many people, but it was dissapointing for me, especially since I really haven't changed much since getting married.
What I learned this year: Sometimes the answers to problems are incredibly simple. Life doesn't have to be a huge fancy effort to be wonderful. Most of the time natural and simple is better.
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